rants and wishes

2007-06-26T17:34:00.001+08:00

i had to resort to a private journal. (friends only)

may drop by now and then i guess.
byeeee :D

2007-06-22T10:06:00.000+08:00

i think i need to make this clear.

can you fuckers just keep your noses and dicks out of our lives because for goodness sake, stop getting things blown out of proportions. its my fucking business what i want to do and who i want to go out with. so you dont have to fucking jump to any conclusion about me BETRAYING benny when for fuck's sake, its not even a betrayal to be out with another guy, when im already single is it? FUCK YOU. My conscience is clear and i dont have to fucking explain myself. So just fucking go get a life, and leave mine alone. If you dumb shits don't know what the HELL is going on in my life, just FUCK OFF and get a tiny little one of your own. Fucking chibai.

2007-06-20T19:54:00.000+08:00

NEW ZEALAND WAS THE SEX!

photos are here:
http://smg.photobucket.com/albums/v329/smellypinksocks/New%20Zealand/
password: kebabmanishot

I swear, he really is. WOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

2007-06-13T21:31:00.000+08:00

leaving for new zealand with my bandies from the 14th-19th. which is TOMORROW!
byebye singaporeans. i think i might(ridiculously) miss the warmth, since the temperature might dip to as low as 6deg. but im ready with my beanie, gloves, winter jackets, etc etc :D

this is exciting like hell. take care all.

the pieces dont fit anymore..

2007-06-07T00:10:00.000+08:00

For What Its Worth

recently, i have been having strong, random urges to go out right in the middle of the night at unearthly hours. as long as its at night, and even if im dead tired i just feel like getting out of the house to just chill and do something totally spontaneous and unplanned. i think im getting weirder. i feel like doing things i havent been doing, like go meet up with random old friends, to talk relax and just, have some fresh air.

i'm also getting stressed out because i am a victim of your abuse. youve always been there to bring me down, to knock me out of my sanity and your presence alone is always so vehement with fear, horror and manipulation. yes, maths, you have been my biggest most horrible enemy since primary school. mummy even thought i was molested when i came home crying one day in p4 because i couldn't complete my math exam.

you're evil.

and by the way, the next person who asks me about my relationship is going to die.

2007-06-05T19:30:00.000+08:00

yes yes, alot has been happening in my life lately. just do me a favour and dont ask me what happened. its not very nice to relive everything all over again. but really, thanks for all the concern that helped me through this rough time.

had twe's band dinner last night. must say it was extremely hectic in the earlier part of the day. rise and shine, went to get my hair done, bought make up (im so happy with my fruity jelly maybellyn lip gloss which smells amazing!), bought nice paper to print the certs on, made my way to eden's and helped him sort out the prizes, token of appreciations, print this print that, pack this pack that, left. then eden forgot some stuff! he ran back up while we three assholes sat under a tree by the side of the road sweating like smelly pigs. the cab ride was the worst one ever because it was manual, and everything was so bumpy and the traffic lights were always turning red.

we reached, rehearsed our song, screwed up alot and changed into our clothes. 30 minutes before the dinner started, we realised the laptop wasnt compatible with the LCD projector. THEN HOW?! panic lah. run here run there, call here call there, mrs ong arrived extremely early without anyone entertaining her, and finally i took a cab to grace's hse to collect her lappy. and what? it couldnt work too. (but thanks a million woman) delay delay. mayves came with a laptop from heaven, and everything started to turn out fine. we were behind schedule, but it was alright. i was just about to enter the ballroom, then my dress strap SNAPPED. snapped! i was like WHAT THE zj*(fy 89178&y&*gc%^. (It was cheap, i couldnt afford much). didnt know what to do. just ran into the toilet and panicked. jicheng n mayves soon came with a miracle safety pin that held my dress together.

the show went on. i went to the toilet abt 6 times because of my heavy period and my non-stop drinking. our perf came, forgot some lyrics, didnt sing the last few lines, but hey, the VP still shook my hand and said i had a good voice. ahah. finally, certs, etc etc.
p.s my dear horn section was awarded Best Section 2007. i felt like some old mother hen excessively proud of her kids. the night ended with painful feet and lots of picture-taking. here's just two nice ones with my hornies. (: the rest next time.

Joel :)

so thats one project down. NZ, CT, and SAJC Band Dinner next.
dear god, please grant me some grace and lots of luck.

2007-05-24T20:27:00.000+08:00

Of all the things
I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry

Counting the days that pass me by
I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to..

2007-05-21T22:48:00.000+08:00

nope i cant sleep.

we didnt make it to presentation night.

Its funny how a dream can crumble in a matter of seconds, how a flurry of thoughts and questions suddenly causes my heart to sink, my mind to plunge. But you know, I feel thankful for our experience, our achievement. When I saw the other band members today, everyone looked fine/not too affected by this news and momentously, I forgot about it because they remind me how we've achieved our initial objective, which was to bring out the best in ourselves and in Rhapsody.

I always told myself, "we can play with the j2s again, there's always presentation night." I just wanted one last chance to play with my seniors again, that's all. It doesn't always revolve around the "Title" of Top 5 because a performance on that stage does not mean everything. SAJC Band does not have to make it presentation night to prove our worth, to quote Ms Ho. No i'm not feeling bitter about it. Of course truth is always accompanied by disappointment.. I just need time to come into terms with reality. On a positive note, I do feel a wholesome sense of closure to this journey.

Thank you SAJC Band, now its time for St. Pat's boys to shine! Do us that honour. :)

2007-05-20T21:32:00.000+08:00

i admit.

i feel damn guilty for rotting this weekend away doing the two things i love the most: eating and sleeping. and not to mention, blogging much more frequently these few days! so make that three things.

next week will be the last week of the term before the june hols arrive! ahhh, soon we'd fly off to new zealand, fly back, mug, common tests (THE HORROR!), pw woes, 17th birthday, promos, pw oral presentation, dec hols. and thats it, it would mark the end of 2007 just like that. :O top of my worry list right now is passing my exams and getting promoted of course. i wouldnt wanna get retained! nooooooooo! for now, lets hope i pass my lit test which is tomorrow. haha.

ok this post doesnt make much sense lah. look what came out when i typed "bored" at gettyimages.com!

HAHA.
i look like this santi dog right now. really!!!

2007-05-19T15:10:00.000+08:00

I think i'm the ONLY asshole in school who hasn't been to the new KFC at potong pasir. HMPH!

Anyway, didnt go for band today because i really really really couldn't wake up from my dosage of drugs. You see, last night i was about to cough my lungs out so i headed to the kitchen for some warm water to soothe my throat. then, i found that the water boiler thing wasn't working so i just drank up more cough syrup within a span of 2 hrs since i last took it, which totally zonked me out about 30 minutes later. so i just slept and slept, till it was about 2pm today. :D

Still under the evil clutches of the flu, so im stuck at home doing nothing, which is what sick people do. This morning, Mother casually said that both her parents have heart problems(nenek got warded last night), so she thinks she's gonna have some when she's older too. Then i said, "well, doesn't that mean i'll get heart problems too?!"

she calmly replied "probably, since it's generic."

2007-05-17T14:45:00.000+08:00

pitter patter (grrrowl) pitter patter.

im still waiting for mummy dearest to come home with my BREAKFAST! its already almost 3pm and im really starving. sleeping in today was incredible especially under the grappling effects of meds. i just slept and slept and couldn't open my eyes till it was late after 1pm. to my suprise, syarah said we both topped the class for econs when we failed (18/50). haha! its a comical start..

getting lots(and lots) of goosebumps at the moment listening to tj's hymn to the sun. honestly, tj should have gotten gwh instead of xxx band man. putting aside some intonation issues and maybe some problems with the set piece? i haven heard it. but the slow movements really won me over! serious! gonna start doing more math later after i eat. not because i want to, but because there's a test tomorrow. hmph. pity my classmates who end ridiculously at 5.30pm today. anyway, i hope mr khoo feels better after disowning our class who caused him unnecessary stress and trouble..

im broke! ):
money money ni zai na li......

2007-05-16T21:03:00.000+08:00

I downloaded google earth for no reason today, and I don't exactly how to use it,

BUT ITS DAMN FCKING COOL. Now I can travel all around the world unlike you people who take the budget airlines and end up in uncomfortable, square inch seats. I don't know this for real since i haven't taken any budget airplane.. but okay.. So, i've lost my voice and i sound damn sexy now! :D Got 1 day MC from the doc just now, and she says I'm probably under stress since i was down with a flu just about 3 weeks or so ago. Well, tell me about it.

FYI, Newater was barely interesting, except the random jokes made by the guide like,
"What should be added to acid to make pH 7?"
Eager SAJC Band Geeks reply, "ALKALI!!"
"Wrong, its sodium hydroxide, NaOH"
Confused SAJC Band Geeks retort, "Isn't that an Alkali!?"
Meanwhile, RV students look around non-chalantly.

P.S Got free Newater! Jeremy looked damn happy about this. HAHA. So, to go school tomorrow or not?

2007-05-16T10:03:00.000+08:00

did you know,

there are many ways to save yourself from the embarrassment of a perfectly natural thing your body executes regularly?

Ways to pretend you didn't fart:
1) Fart and cough at the same time
2) Fart during FF parts of the song during band
3) Fart and laugh
4) Push your chair and fart simultenously
5) Fart and pretend nothing happened (Don't look suspicious!)
6) Fart and ask your friend if he farted

Most importantly, look professional. Its not something to be ashamed of, because its normal! Really. HAHA. I'm in the school library anyway, bored to death because Maria Sharasanti is not in school, probably all cuddled up in the warmth of her pillows and blankets, with curtains drawn and soothing wind keeping her cool. Plus my two assholes had to go for MT, which I fortunately don't have to take anymore. So here's a short post before i go attempt some Math questions, in view of the test on Friday.

Cornelius Lim, please take things easy and don't think too much. I'm worried about you sometimes. So anyway, there's Econs lecture at 11.30, then im done with school. Two lectures on every Wed and then its band, and home. Everyone asks me why i still come to school on wednesdays.

Don't have a choice, do i? Later on we 16-17 year old oversized band kids will be packed into a nice coach and zoomed off to the Newater Plant (which is so close to home) for a learning journey. Benji told Syarah, that maybe we'll see his shit there. I wonder if I'll ever look at water the same way again. Horrifying.

Bye kids, stay in school and study hard. Thought to self: Maybe if i run as fast as i do whenever im late for school, I can pass my 2.4!

2007-05-14T19:11:00.000+08:00

Im one hell of a happy kid :D

Today marks 1 year and 5 months into our relationship! Heh.

So, what could be better than starting the day off by being presented to the school with such pride. The past few months of skipping meals, trying hard to stay awake in class, frustration to achieve musical perfection, to hit the high Es, Gs, As, falling sick, recovering and falling sick again, it was all worth it wasn't it.

I'm really, really at ease right now. The moment we jumped, cried and roared into the school song, I finally, truly savoured the intricate sweetness of success. Im bloody proud of you SAJC Horn section/Concert Band (or as benny calls us now, SAJC Wind Orchestra). Haha. Must thank Mr G the musical prodigy, Benji and Meroy who were the guilding lights during our darkest hours.

School has resumed, tests are imminent, and every single inch of my body is still consumed with musical cells. Pray now that I'm able to catch up with the piling workload. Hurhur.

PS, how come the Mars bars are so huge this year?!

2007-04-30T10:49:00.000+08:00

in the school library now, feeling like fuck.

i was going into my 4th round, then my pe teacher told us to stop because we'd fail anyway. i mean how much more loser can i get?! its 6 rounds arnd the track, not 60. how come i can endure hours and hours in the band room and i cant get a decent timing for 2.4. you know my friends probably think im a loser cos im not the fittest person in the world and people can walk faster than i run. they probably think im coming up with stupid excuses when i lament of pain. when i say something hurts i mean it. WHEN I SAY MY CHEST IS TIGHT AND HURTS I MEAN IT.

damn it.

i knew today was a bad day. first i woke up late, then i couldnt find my tie. when i realised it was in min er's bag,i found out she isnt coming to school today. so after wasting much time finding my tie, i rushed to get a cab. waited waited waited. finally one cab came along, not exactly to my luck. the driver drove slower than i ran, and kept asking stupid questions like 'whts your ambition in life? maybe u'll end up at the moon one day'. so after getting extremely agitated and paying a hefty sum for cab fare, i got out the cab when benny was pointing frantically at the bus infront. so i ran and we caught the 23. in the bus, i realised my bus pass expired on 28th april. after bounding up the stairs, i realised my father forgot to give me allowance for this week. so its alright, i sat down, travelled across the expressway and wished i was on time. but no, it was already 7.27m when i alighted which left us 3 minutes to walk across about 4 roads, a slope, more roads and 2 bridges, which technically is impossible. so we went anyway, pacing as fast as our feet could scurry. when we finally arrived, we found out there was no need for all the hectic
rush because the ground was still wet and assembly was held in the fucking hall. AHHHHH.

and you know, i didn't think the concert was that bad. i think it was the best concert i've ever performed at actually. judging from the massive laughter of the audience and the roar of applause after every piece, i'd say we did what we could , with the short time and fucked up schedules of both syf and concert practice. no doubt there were screw ups here and there lah, but saying that "it wasn't worth $12" is a little unnecessary, dont you think?

I still feel proud of SAJC Concert Band, all you talented soloists, Project X, gimmicks comm (although things were last minute, it still pulled off well), Benji and Mr G. Still, it was really really good seeing you all (HID!!!!!!, Malorie, Eugene, Russell, Eden, Boss, Samuel, Corne, Clayton, Dorcas, etc etc) come down support us even if it wasn't worth your money or time (hoho), and i really really love and appreciate the gifts, chocs and flowers. Eh really lah. I may sound abit angry. HAHA.

And to my section, even though we never ever get the starting of Classics right, i still love you all to bits and pieces. Yes yes im done with my grammy speech.

SAJC will own the stage on 11th May.
( This is a very powerful statement. Lets hope it comes true)

2007-04-25T21:06:00.000+08:00

life currently on a hiatus since im at home down with a fever and catching up on alot of sleep because of the extremely drowsy meds. doc was kind enough to give me 2 days of MC, which i desperately need although yesterday my temp was 37.5. i guess she knew i was going to be down eitherway since i havent been able to breathe since way before band camp. guilty that i couldnt attend band pracs. but hey, when the body says no, there's little i can do.

well well. going to start math tuition next week. i can't believe ms yeo n mr lim actually told ct that i didnt attend their lessons. i was extremely exhausted on mon ok. so anw, ive been overly frustrated because i still don't have my microsoft office installed in my com since my bro reformated it, and its causing me to lag behind in my PI and i can't download things frm moodle. luckily benny's bringing it down to me tonight even though band ends so late. ure the best :)

anw,suddenly alot of random people wants to go for the band concert when ive already sold about 19 tickets. haha. well, thats a good thing. btw last sun was my first concert. and suprisingly i was a LITTLE nervous prior to our perf. strange cos it wasnt exactly 'my first' concert. haha. wtf. st stephen's damn good anw. i was just a little traumatised when the kids started changing and taking off their clothes right smack infront of the GO, oblivious to everyone arnd them. when mr de hamel asked them to change elsewhere, they cramped unsuccessfully behind small signboards and thought they were well-hidden. haha. cute la.

good luck to me, my mind, my body, my work, everything. kudos to the world.

2007-04-06T13:28:00.000+08:00

its the time of the year when there surely is a bad month.

damn you april for the overload of assignments, heavy periods, PE which ends ridiculously at 5.30 on thursdays. difficulty sleeping, gossips, demand for designs, band dinner deadlines, unproductive project work brainstorming, syf pressure, people who contributed to my bad day, solo failures, fights, full 23s in the evenings and for making me eat instant noodles again today.

thank you for bringing me closer to my friends, for knowing new people and for the class who is becoming brighter by the day.

other than that, I FEEL LIKE DYING. SO WHEN YOUR REPLY IS, "GO AND DIE LAH", LET ME TELL YOU HOW I HOPE YOUR TONGUE SHRIVELS UP WITH ORAL CANCER. chibai ah. i hate this month. and teachers think fri, sat n sun is such a LONG WEEKEND. LET ME TELL YOU ITS ONLY ABT 3 INCHES LONG.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. man. i didn't mean to curse so much. didnt mean to let these tears flow too.

2007-03-22T20:03:00.000+08:00

" Personality: Love

You're a real romantic and a bit of a dreamer. For you love is about devotion and tenderness. You try to show your feelings in simple ways every day. Your heart is right there on your sleeve. When you think of freedom, you think of love. The comfort of being loved makes you feel free with your thoughts and words - You're a Love Bug. "

SPOT ON!

Well, i can't believe i didn't go to school today cos i was late! I left my house around 6.30am, and when i got off 21, the 23 in front of me sped off when i was like 2 seconds away. i was like. WTH. So i waited and waited till its like 7 til another 23 came. So to go or not to go?

Only lectures: Lit, Maths.
Consequence for unpunctuality: A horrible morning, a nagging teacher with a highly unconvincing SLANG, get 1st warning.
Positive effects of skipping school: Get to eat breakfast, watch movie and reach home early to catch up on sleep.
Negative effects: Huge overdose of guilt.

I promise I won't skip school again. Ha. Really. I knw I always did during the 1st intake, but i made it a point not to skip school now that 2nd intake has already started. But i was damn late.. And.. This was very unintentional. And with a lot of luck, I got to skip the suprise spot check today.

I hope my CT doesn't ask for MC tomorrow. And i pray things get better for J1 Band. Bye people, don't skip school yea :-) Haha.

2007-03-18T17:32:00.000+08:00

oh my shit. school's starting TOMORROW ! AHHHHHHH.

no more fooling around, no more waking up late, no more skipping lessons/school, no more carom, no more nonsense :-( on the bright side(i'm trying to be optimistic), the timetable for this whole week is just lectures, so there aren't tutorials yet. but STILL. arghhh. ok. anyway im feeling like the most suckiest and demoralised horn player on earth since i screwed up my solo that day. wtf right. i was buzzing in my room for abt 30 minutes just now. Persevere!!

ok, here's my short post. say goodbye to march hols! chao!

2007-03-16T21:16:00.000+08:00

today, i came late for band :\ 1, i thought band starts at 10. 2, i was still late even if it starts at 10. HERE'S A PUBLIC APOLOGY TO JEREMY(who looked really pissed). ha. sry. anyway, i bought my uniforms already but i haven't sent them for alteration. the skirts are SO LONG its way below my knees. goodness gracious.

anyway. i can't believe i went to curl my hair on impulse la. its really kinda dry n rough man. but i like the brown colour n the curls in my ponytail now. it looks a little BIG when i let down my hair though. ah. just have to get used to it. (i was depressed for hours after the hair-do actually). but at least i had my fringe straigtened n stuff. i'll probably get ANOTHER new hair-do by june or before that. haha. im such a sucker for new things. :-) n im cursed, cos none of my hair-do's are successful. so im used to it. sad life. hah.

went bowling at marina sq after band today with ruiqi, eden, boss, benny, mel & eden after many many many years ! (hyperbole). just gotta say i was damn lucky, cos i have zero bowling skills. but you gotta give me some credit cos my ball always curves to the right, -- which is INTENDED. hahahahaha. so i scored a measely 115. which is probably the highest ever i've gotten. im not a bowler, really. unlike my boyfriend who got a freaking 150 or something. crazy nut. do you know my lane is always stuck because my throw is too gentle for the sensors, so i basically get to shoot abt 3 times before the thing comes down. HA.

went for guitar lesson today after much postponing over the past few weeks. my aunt was a little short-tempered today, n she even flared up when i used an alternate fingering eden taught me for the F chord. She suspected i had another guitar teacher who would confuse me. wth. its okay . . though i myself have a really bad temper, i learnt to manage it.. played MR LONELY today. (LOL!) n some other song called my lady. i actually have GUITAR HOMEWORK today lah. like have to fill up some scales n stuff. hoho. my new guitar's pretty ! though the strings seem a little weak n soft :\ it doesnt sound as nice when i play loudly. hmmmm.

oh, ive been wanting to watch music&lyrics, dreamgirls, rocky balboa, happily never after, just follow law n some other movies. but nope, nv had the chance to do so.

btw, i feel so jaded whenever i practice those 4 freaking notes countless times, n i screw my solo during run-thoughs itself. have also been having trouble pitching higher notes n feeling uncomfortable when i play for the past 2 practices. WHY!?!?!!?!??!!

i suck :-(

2007-03-14T18:19:00.000+08:00

im damn pissed. damn pissed. you are one hell of a chibai whore. CHI BAI.

FUCK YOU LAH.

2007-03-12T18:22:00.000+08:00

woahhh. my bottom row of teeth hurts. a little. always seems that way after long hours of band practices. ha. this is not good cos it means im applying too much pressure and not pushing in air. hurhur. still had a pretty good time :-) lunch was and always has been alot of trouble. potong pasir is VERY pathetic. the only thing i can eat around school is cup noodles, horrible indian food from broadway or macs. i enjoyed the cheap bubble tea though :-)

soo happy that ruiqi and hui hong got through appeals! we're so sharing a room (+ melisa and syarah) when we go to New Zealand in June ! (YES WE'RE GOING TO AUCKLAND, BABY!) btw, i'm jealous that hidayah has her own DIGICAM! grrr. if i had found a job instead of going to school... wow.. the endless possibilities.. haha. oh well.

bumped into like 3 or 4 temasekians today at tampines. haha. all these familiar faces. hope everyone settles down well into their new schools! fyi, people are so changing. skirts are getting shorter, different hairstyles, etc etc. i get really amused by looking at how people change their looks over the years. (me included) ha. i wanna get my hair-do on thurs! i hope it wont cost too much. i shall just go to a budget/quite reliable looking salon since im so short of cash !

ANYWAY. MY AUNT BOUGHT ME A NEW GUITAR! woooohooo. i didnt even ask for one and i got one :-) thanks mummy for paying for it! shall see my new sweetheart this friday! i'm feeling damn lazy to get a bath though i'm hot, sticky and smelly. hoho. anw, march holidays have started n i jolly well enjoy it because once 2nd intake starts, the mugging/stress/tears/blood/sweat/regret/ will sink in. haha. ok, a little exaggerated. oh well, next hols will only be in JUNE! so enjoy whats left of this vacation people!!

:-) boyfriend is sweet. he bought for me my contacts cos i dont have money yet. i promise to get the money from my mum soon!

what did the maths book say to another maths book?

I HAVE ALOT OF PROBLEMS!!!!!

Hehe. Stupid benny told me that..............

2007-03-11T10:34:00.000+08:00

damn, i feel so tired.

#need to buy contacts
(my last pair had to be thrown away when my eyelash got stuck unto the INNER part of the lens, and i kept rubbing my eye - i.e eyelash also scrapes against eyeball)
#need to get new hair-do
(will get it done by hols)
#supposed to go shopping
(lack of cash)
#wants a JOB
(no time, band during march hols from mon-fri)
#want my schmid mouthpiece
(don't knw if nicole will order it for me yet, and im also undecided on which size to buy)

had the captains ball match yest with the j2s and i played like shit. still not getting out of the netball shooting. sheesh. dee was so funny, she was distracted by my big face and nerd specs :-) hah! i was pretty annoyed during the first half cos of SOME reasons, but the second half was alright. it was a good match, i must say.

j1 band thruout the whole march hols! :-) seems like something's missing. hmm. maybe the lack of instrumentation? or lack of depth in the sound? or the stark inbalance among sections? ah well. hope we improve! i love beauty and the beast. heh.

btw, orientation was not bad. only went for the 1st and 3rd day. pretty boring, probably because it is my second orientation and the programme is pretty similar. OG 6 is not bad, people like si jia, ex-OG4 mates, james, etc etc have been a whole lot of fun :-) "we're an S! and an A! and uh, oh never mind!" Hahaha. I'm just glad im staying in SA !

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELYNNA!

2007-03-08T17:16:00.000+08:00

ah, nice, plain and gray :-)

i wanna strum, strum and forget the world.

2007-03-06T18:30:00.000+08:00

OMG I FUCKING GOT INTO SAJC. :D

congrats to syarah benny mel n pris. pray doubly hard that ruiqi gets through appeals. girlfriend, YOU MUST MAKE IT IN. it had been weary for me, worrying n getting mentally exhausted about all the speculation. the moment james sent me the msg, i JOLTED awake n ran to the computer at 7.45am to check posting results. Amazing :-)

buying uniforms on thurs. finally gonna be SAINT. hoho. more importantly, i get to stay in band, disturb fungyin n kevin n of course, get ignored by jeremy most of the time. HOW FUN! hahaha. fyi, im starting to like economics. well, i used to hate lyndon but the LAST n final econs tutorial was actually pretty good. I DID MY HOMEWORK :-) in school of course.. haha. didn't go to school today cos almost my entire class would be non-existent. so A09, here's a final toast to the last of you. loves!

today, i was searching through youtube. and you wouldn't imagine what i found. HAHA. EVERYONE MUST SO WATCH THIS. esp u saints! its priceless! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_S_N3wOzc_A

AGHIUDOFNIUSDNFUEN!8963673tf9&*%^@$R!!!! HILARIOUS RIGHT.

oh yes, i just found out me syarah pris guangjie n amanda will be in OG 6. Haha, well at least we're in the same OG again. though 6 isnt exactly my favourite number, thank god im in SAJC.
my blog's so officially dead. that's good. more privacy for my not so frequent entries. hah. Btw, eugene told me he got bitten on the butt twice by an unknown creature when he was outfield. HAHA. & i told him i'm going to tell the world ! :-)

i hope everyone gets the school/institution of their choice n continue studying hard. the next 2 years will be pretty tough, A levels already next yr! I hope i make a right choice by pursuing Lit in the 2nd intake! btw, i NEVER thought i'd be so attached to the school n the band.

well now, i know :-)

2007-03-04T12:04:00.000+08:00

lets pray that all goes well and that i can stay in SAJC. please don't let that stupid woman lower the entrance points, PLEASE :(

I'm not ready to leave my life behind now.

<3 syarah, pris, maria, SAJC BAND! & my horn section. sigh sigh sigh.

Tues is the biggest day of our lives, right syarah, ruiqi and benny? big, big, big fucking day. bleh.

2007-02-16T17:13:00.000+08:00

i didnt go to school yesterday! hur. so much for being a MUGGER. well, posting hasnt been released yet so there's still some time for me to relax.. as jiahao says it, its still the honeymoon period.. haha. ms ho(sajc band teacher) volunteered to give econs and chinese tutoring man. three in one! of course, i don't need chinese tuition, neither do i need malay tuition! ( I'VE GOTTEN A FRIGGIN A2! HAHAHAA. Benny insists they printed my results wrongly. hoho) let me just bask in my momentuous pride and glory.. hahaha. im always the lowest in malay class ok! THIS IS AN ACCOMPLISHMENT. ok enough :)

oh, we performed for the CNY celebrations today. of course the 2nd one was much better. haha it was fun to see nicole and jeremy being teased and stuff. haha. and the SAJC Band badge is pretty! hah. bumped into aisya (kecik) and some of her TJ friends thrice today! At bedok mrt, century sq cinema and TM macs. omgoodness is singapore small or what?!

ok actually i don't really have anything to blog about. alright, BYEEEEEE and happy chinese new yr to all you soon-to-be-rich-assholes. i hope corne doesnt get into VJ and goes into SA because im gonna miss him so much :( and i also hope pris doesnt get accepted into NJ and stays put! ok, im just kidding i hope you guys into into these prestigious JCs and be rich and successful in the near future. love you babes. muacks muacks!

2007-02-11T11:02:00.000+08:00

after much hoo haa about getting results, the much awaited moment arrived. didn't do too well, but it was alright i suppose. now im like the AVERAGE girl. haha. 14 points. basically, i'm damn pissed because i got like 4 B3s. If they were borderline B3s i'd just kill myself. B3 is just one grade from a distinction man. bloody hell. still, i shouldnt be comforting myself with convenient excuses. since i wont be able to lift my head high with these results, i did the impossible and swore i'd be a mugger in JC. farah=mugger=impossible=pigs will fly

then again, i really MUST do well in A Levels and get into Law, as hard as the criteria is. otherwise, i'll just have to settle for less and go into my second best alternative of public relations and social work and all that nicole was talking about. she helped clear my mind abit. now i don't feel so unconfident of my future :) so the uncoveted grades are as follows:

emaths B3 ( i know.. everyone gets an A1..shut up already im not good with numbers!!)
amaths B3 (f9 to B3.. ok lah.thanks mdm lee!)
chemistry B3 (f9 to B3 again. thanks mdm erlis!)
combined humans B3 (the one that made me bawl in the toilet and create a crying scene. DONT EVER MENTION THIS AGAIN. I'M PUTTING THIS BEHIND ME AND MOVING ON WITH LIFE!)
geog A2 (there you go mdm suriadi!!!! :D)
english A1 (oh i love this)
higher malay A2 (cikgu laughed and couldnt believe it. me neither. hahahaha im like the most unmalay person in the world man.)
PHYSICS D7!!!!!!!
(this i'm proud of because i was suppose to get an f9. now i have to treat priscilla to a drink. hahahaha. damn i wanted an f9 for the record! gahahahahaha)

yup thats about it. i guess i'll be staying in SAJC. btw,guess who was jealous of who during the band exchange yesterday. heheheheheehehehehehehhehehehehehe

2007-02-08T06:27:00.000+08:00

i woke up too early because the original plan was to take bus to school like i do daily, but after ive bathed, changed and nearly stepped out of the house, my mum said she's sending me. hoho. so here i am, 6.30am blogging.

tomorrow's results. lets pray for the best!
cant wait to see everybody! :)

2007-02-02T22:26:00.000+08:00

i've just switched to the new blogger. not so very new is it? hah.

omfg im damn sick of miscommunications. ANYWAY, i really have ntg to say as a reply too. if you want it that way then keep it that way lo. i have no problem with that man. (: hohooohoo bye bye.

the front bleak, the thorns still cut
up the defences shield, armours and swords alike.
holding back from the fight, the prowess strays
pounces. its silent cry deafening, deafening
lethal.

hahahahaha my failure attempt at a "POEM". omg, eh give me some credit ! its quite alright, no? i tried to include some literary devices man.. hahaha. ok whatever. today had sectionals on MNNV. pretty nice :D cam-whoring with section in the middle of the grasspatch was FUN! (FYI, prairies=extensive grasslands-it was in today's LIT TEST!) wahahaha.

happiness! parents are back and i'm so amazed by the high technology of DVDs nowadays. there are like 6 movies in ONE FREAKING DVD. ok, actually its not that amazing considering the no. of episodes certain tv shows have on one dvd, e.g the hk dramas ppl get so easily won over by. hoho. what a random post. i'm off to sleep and pig out. band early in the morning tomorrow! i hope hidayah had a gd bday!

2007-02-01T13:24:00.000+08:00

Omg I'm the biggest slacker in the world man. Haven't been to school yesterday (x-country) and today, because there's only GP which is at 12.30pm.(there's PE=redundant, malay,which i don't have to take & h1 history/waste of time). My parents are at Batam and the entire house is mine! Whooooooo :D Tmr is HID'S BDAY!!!

SO HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY IN ADVANCE GIRLFRIEND :D

HAHA here's some embarassing pictures of us from WAY back then!

HOHO. Pictures do mean a thousand words, or more. Sec 2 was most memorable man. (MOMAS:D, stpat's scandals,macdonalds aft sch,blablablaaaaa). & Now you've got some image make over, a job, a new hobby(QUIT IT), new friends, coloured hair(you said you'd never dye ur hair in sec 2 ah). You're so different yet so alike. Happy Birthday and i hope you'll get 6 points lah.

Love you to bits and pieces nur hidayah jais. <3

2007-01-26T23:07:00.000+08:00

ok. maybe im not as fine as i seem. maybe when i talk loudly, smile widely, tease everyone around me, laugh uncontrollably, i'm being only half of what i feel. today i spoke to rickson to MSN.

i feel inferior, envious and happy being in this new band. unfortunately, this mix of emotions hasn't been healthy for me. also, i feel so tired of long journeys to and fro school, so unmotivated to do tutorials or to wake up in the morning. i lose my temper easily at the one i love because it's convenient, because he happens to be there when im most vulnerable, when we're alone together, and when i'm truly myself. i feel unsettled whenever i see her around school and everytime i WANT to say hi, or bye or just talk to her like normal friends, i can't bring myself to do it. i'm also worried about weiyang.

currently, the glass in half empty. fuck the glass lah.

2007-01-23T21:38:00.000+08:00

YAY i see some tags! :) omgee. tmr will be yan yi's last day in school before she flies off to perth to study at the university. lucky her, a much more relaxing environment in perth.. without the dumb a levels and tied-down schedules we all have in JC. i hope you settle down well and make really nice friends there yan yi!

Well well, I didn't go for history lecture today cos i figured it would be pointless, boring, and i wouldnt be able to hear what the teacher is saying cos he speaks only for the ants to hear about how the freaking cold war developed. Hence, i enjoyed my self-declared break from PE(i'm like the slowest runner lah) all the way till maths which is like 1pm or something. maths was fun because we played around with yan yi's pencil which has 7 fucking colours in 1 lead!! :D oh and how could i forget our conventional note passing. we missed our primary school days. later in the afternoon we spent some time in the band room while waiting for kekang & i was deeply entertained by benny and ms ho trying to strangle each other. then, went to eat cup noodles(sudden craves) & back we went to temasek! AGAIN. hah. our alma mater!

oh! much to my delight, so many of the juniors said hi and wore beaming smiles when we walked passed them today. thats more like it,really! at least it doesn't feel like we're non-existent anymore. saw them trying(hard) to sing this chinese song which is part of a song they're playing at some old folks home. this by the way, is darn funny cos i remember its from some advertisement on channel 8 many many years ago. wheheheheeee. i know it goes something like MAMA HAO.. or sth!

alright then! :D its been a tiring day! 6 rounds around the track is enough to KILL ME! zzzzzz goodbye!

"well, what are friends for?"-Me to Zat
Zat-- "nothing".

2007-01-19T22:04:00.000+08:00

my blog is like SO dead. 911!! no one tags anymore! maybe it's because i don't blog anymore? HAHA. oh,why do i even bother asking the obvious! well, im glad to say life is pretty good. at least much better than the count down! heh. sajc is so freaking FAR.. but thanks to dearest mother who has discovered bus service 23 from tamp int/near TP, travels through PIE & straight to 1 stop before sav (only 20-25 minutes), followed by a 10 min walk through the junior school n SAS! thats already considered very fast, because taking NEL and changing to the east line plus taking bus from pasir ris mrt will probably take 1.5 hrs! SO ALL YOU EAST PEOPLE, TAKE 23! :D Hahaha.

school's been alright, maybe because we've started lessons with only 1-2 lectures a day. i guess that has caused a psychological brainwash on me that time passes really fast in JC! unfortunately, tutorials has begun.. eeeeesh. i can't believe i skipped school today.. again! i was really sleepy okay.. what with the addictive prison break that i couldn't stop watching.. LOL. hmm,thats means i was absent for 3 tutorials on my 3 H2 subjects, namely lit econs n maths. wonderful! bravo!! brava!! hahaha.. really felt the impulse to follow twe for the night safari tonight man. i've not been there yet.. how unsingaporean! but its costs $18 & i couldnt reach mandai in like 30 minutes??

so anyway, had sectionals today. its much more productive & fun when people playing with you are confident n better in their playing.. good good i love it (: there're pro people like jeremy & nicole to spreaddd their professionalism around.. hahahaha.. i think jeremy's tongue is like mechanical because he can tongue so fast like a non-human.. HAHA. thats a compliment if you read this anyway, which you won't. went to s11 area to find photocopy shops after band.. and the freaking shop wasnt there anymore!! have i not been in tampines THAT long?! & the shop in the interchange was already closing. sheesh! guess i'll have to photostat scores at potong pasir before band tmr (:

oh, went back to twe on tuesday since lessons ended early. im glad to see them managing with their music better & trying new songs(finally). what particularly saddened me was the lack of simple hellos, acknowledgement or even a single look of excitement to see us seniors. oh well. be excited for what right. its not like we're gods or anything. well, maybe next time when they come back after going to new schools & the same thing happens, they will know how it feels like. haha.

btw i'm starting to struggle with maths all over again. MDM LEE I NEED YOUUUUU!!!!! arghhh i don't even know how to do partial fractions! like how pathetic can i get. & i bet i've screwed up the econs test. haha should take econs tuition from yixiong(who is always excited to see benny), the econs king! hahahaha. which reminds me of the bbq at corne the other day. poor ruiqi was nearly dumped into the pool like twice ! hahaha. oh, today was the first time i tried this fruit from the fruit juice stall in school. benny says its called water apple or sth like that. DAMN NICE! hahaha. whatever lah, so random.

anyway, jeremy is mean he calls TAF club FAT club! sensitive issue know.. im not in TAF, but still!!!!!!!!! okay, gotta bathe, sleep & get well rested for a long day tmr. might be going for st.pat's POP after band. all the best to my best friend muhd lutfi bin aziz for his emceeing, which i will be laughing at you :) kidding lah. good night world!

p.s people have been saying that o level's results will be out on 9 feb. suicide!!!!!!!!!

2007-01-01T02:39:00.000+08:00

Ah, I'm sad to say that the COUNTdown(there wasn't even a 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1 thing) at marina was more of a LETdown. Lets see, besides the good company and the fireworks that was mediocre, everything else was pretty much bullshit. Although it's my modest first experience, I must say it was really disappointing.

The crowd was raunchy, ALWAYS pushing and women kept jabbing their fucking handbags into my waist, bastards spraying BANNED foam spray cans at banglas(on purpose) and random people,annoying officers who didn't give clear instructions,aching feet, a whole lot of body odour,watching rich people celebrate at the top floor of the hotel in a presidential suite without a sweat(VERY HEARTWRENCHING OKAY), i think a 2 hr wait plus all the above was not worth the few minutes of fireworks that wasn't as impressive as the media convinced. Oh well. At least I got 3 pairs of new earrings courtesy of boyfriend dearest and the big hoo haa 2007 has arrived. New school, new band, unplanned resolutions and much more. I'm dead beat and my feet need a break.

Oh yes, so happy new year, best of wishes to everyone i know! Love you guys to bits and pieces :)

2006-12-30T20:21:00.000+08:00

oh my god i can't believe saddam hussein is executed already. they actually have a CNN clip of him in the hangman's noose. VERY DISTURBING. okay so anyway its been years since i've blogged. ha. SHOPPING AT QUEENSTOWN TODAY! Bought my new nike sneakers which is very gold with a maroon Nike tick and dirty green bottom. I love mismatched colours! Then i got myself the airwalk leather bagpack!! Yummyyyyy. Finally started talking with my mum again :) Yay today's a good day (minus the frequent toilet visits to shit). Haha.

Oh yes, Vivo is still as crowded and cold. (I have to keep pinching my nose). It was my aunt's birthday today so we went to the Swensons there ,which is actually the original type of Swensons so its called Earl's Swensons or something like that. & Btw the food is oh my fucking expensive. But since i'm not paying so its PERFECTLY alright. :) Hehehe. I was nice so i faked to be below 12 yrs old & ordered this cheap plate of yucky spaghetti. (Didn't expect it to be yucky). What's more its called Twisty Spaghetti.. So tacky.. Hahaha.. But as usual, ordered my banana split which i indulged so sinfully in.. Mmm! Now I'm back home and very satisfied and ready to start the new year!

Tomorrow going to Marina Bay with Benny for the countdown.. Actually more for the fireworks. The musical accompaniment for the fireworks is by Iskandar Ismail AGAIN. That guy is everywhere.. Is he that good?? Haha. Okay, no comments since I know no shit about him. Anyway the past few days had been pretty emotional.. Finally had an enormous outburst which made me feel much much better. Hehe. Oh, yesterday I had to help babysit my nephew and niece.. They're like the cutest things on earth. Danish is a 4 month old baby who's just discovered that he can jump with his legs. So everytime we pick him up he bounces up and down like a mechanical toy who doesn't get tired. Kids. Haha. Then i had to feed Nazura and i had to do stupid things like "Yummmm!!!! Only Nazura can eat whip potato!! Danish cannot! Nazura's special! Here's a BIG mouthful! Secret okay? Cannot tell mummy! Sshhhhh..." (Nazura eats eagerly). Oh my. Plus guitar lessons in the day, I went home with aching arms and wrist that hurt soo bad. But i dozed off soon after since I was extremely exhausted.

Anyway I can't believe the Taiwan Earthquake (6.7 on Richter Scale) can actually cause the internet breakdown. I didn't know such things could happen you know.. I never knew the existence of undersea cables and all that. WHO KNEW? I always thought the internet was called Cyberspace.. I always had the idea of satellite connection and all that.. Who on earth knew about cables and wires across the ocean floor?!! Haha. Okay.. I'm being stupid & I'm wearing my shoes and bag around the house. Right. Stupid girl.

Alrighteyyyyyy. I shall go watch teevee. Till again, I hope orientation goes smoothly! :) Happy new year in advance and best wishes to everyone's who's starting school in JC/Poly/Temasek(good luck with the school socks n shit.Hehehe)/Uni/ITE/NS whatever.

Chao!

2006-12-15T12:22:00.000+08:00

i loved the way you wrote me that beautiful song, the way you looked at me, the way you held me so close.

i love you and i had the greatest one year anniversary last night.

love is a splendid thing :)

2006-11-26T14:48:00.000+08:00

1. What brand of toothpaste? Colgate i think.
2. Shampoo Conditioner in one or separate? Separate lah. The 2-in-1 type doesn't work!
3. What Brands? Pantene.
4. What flavor dental floss? Don't use dental floss. But i LOVE LOVE LOVE candy floss :)
5. Do you roll your socks or pull them up? Pull them up.
6. Toilet paper: must be wrapped around used pads in my house bfr they are dumped.
7. Do you know Donald Duck's middle name? Er.. Ronald?
8. Favorite color? No preference. Particular about colour combinations though.
9. Summer footwear: As in slippers? Singapore's as good as summer all yr round.. Yeah I love slippers.
10. Apples, oranges, or bananas? Apples, must be skinned. Oranges if they ever come without seeds. and banana with ice cream!! VERY orgasmic okay.
11. Lefty or righty? Righty.
12. Glass is half-empty or half-full? Half full.
13. Bleh or blah? Bleh with loads of extra h's. Blehhhhhhhhh!!!!!
14. What do you like about yourself? My smile? haha. Though the ice crunching is so going to destroy my teeth. ARGHHH
15. Would you ever wear Taz boxers? Whats that sia.. hahahaha.
16. Do you sing in the shower? Haha yeah.
17. Do you talk to your pet? I would if i had one=)
18. Do you talk to yourself? Not really..Ok sometimes!!!
19.Do you have a secret crush on your dentist? I don't really go to dentists.
20. Do you know your mailman/woman's name? No..
21. Do you give your mailman/woman a gift on Xmas? NO!! What's up with the mailman thing..Hahaha..
22. Do you have 11 toes? No. I know hafidth has 11!
23. What is the lamest pick up line you've ever used? Never used one.. Is there a need to?heh.
24. Would you ever buy/use a pink pen? Yeah why not right.
25. Would you ever buy ANYTHING pink? Yup.
26. Mickey Mouse or Bugs Bunny? Bugs Bunny!
27. Do you think Daffy Duck is hot? Er, no?
28. Would you ever recite poetry to a girl? Sure.
29. What color nail polish/lipstick would you wear? Nail polish no, lipstick.. hmm the glossy type :D
30. Do you bite your lip when you're nervous? Nopeee.
31. Would you skip school if you had a huge zit between your eyes on picture day? Nah..
32. Do tight jeans make guys look gay? Depends. Some mats look nice. Oops.
33. How do you take mascara off? I just wash it off?
34. Would a girl wearing blue/green mascara turn you on? Nah.
35. Do you know HOW to figure out bra size? Nope. The woman usually takes the measurements.
36. Would you ever wear lip gloss? Of course.
37. What's better: gummi sweettarts or sweettart gum? Gummy!
38. M&MS or Skittles? Both are good! :D
39. Do you go to public places with your mom, and actually TALK to her? Yes i'm nice..
40. What is 1+1? Eh.. I have no idea. O's over already sia..
41. What is your favorite holiday? ALL HOLIDAYS! then i can just hibernate!
42. Pick one: RuPaul or Dennis Rodman: Hahahaha who the hell are they!?
43. How old are you? 16.
44. How old do you WANT to be? 26, then i can get married :)
45. Where do you want to live? Singapore with lower temperatures, nicer trees, better beaches and whatnots.
46. Where do you want to go? Europe, Egypt, USA.
47. Who do you want to meet? Anyone..
48. Do you like Kool-Aid? What's kool-aid.. hahaha..
49. Does pine-sol smell good? Isnt that what americans use to clean their houses? Sry no pine-sol here.
50. What are your favorite pizza toppings? Melting cheese, beef, capsicums.
51. Do you like toast? Yes, ham toast from Aunty Shirley very faithfully every morning okay.
52. Do you still carve pumpkins? Nope. I only saw a real pumpkin at NTUC that day. Hahahhaa
53. Do you still leave cookies & milk out for Santa? No la.. I don't even drink milk!
54. Have you lost all your (baby) teeth? Yesyes.
55. Have your wisdom teeth seen light yet? Nope. Why are they called wisdom teeth anyway!?
56. Clear or colored? Clear
57. When your dentist asked, what flavor fluoride did you pick? Isnt fluoride added to water to protect our teeth from decay during water purification.. I MISS CHEMISTRY!!!!
58. Where is your hand right NOW? Keyboard only.
59. What is better: your right ear or left pinky? Right ear.
60. Okay or O'tay? Otay sounds cute!!
61. French poodle or french kiss? French kiss :)
62. Are 2 x 4s really 2 inches by 4 inches? I suppose so..
64. Do you have a 2 x 4 or a 1 x 2? 1 x 2? hmmmmmmm?
65. Do you know your parents' birthdays/ages? Actually I always have to count bcos i only rmbr the years they were born in. Mother 1959, Father 1957
66. Do you know your sibling(s) birthdays/ages? Yeah.. My brother's going NS soon. Thank god.
67. Does your grandma tell you she is 29? Nopee.
68. Have you ever used colored white-out? No..
69. What do you think of Smurfette? Is smurfette like a female smurf?
70. What is your favorite book? Harry potter. Yeah yeah i know thats so gay..
71. How does a cabin far, far away, with a fire, candles, and the one you love sound? I WANT!!!!72. Salmon or Cod? Dont like both.
73. Crab or Lobster? Crab!
74. What sounds better: sideways or sidewards? Sideways
76. Ok, NOW where is your hand? The same as it was.
77. Describe the best day of your life. I cant really remember.. The night at the beach? :D
78. Broom or mop? Broom
79. What is your favorite word? SHIT LAAA. thats two actually.
80. What is your full name? Shaikha Nurfarah Binte Sheikh Mohamed Hassan Mattar. Bloody long name.. ahaha.
82. What do you wish your name was? I just want it shorter without the shaikha.
83. Describe your kinkiest fantasy. Eh.. winkwink. :P
84. What is the weirdest middle name you've ever heard? Never heard any.
85. Are your feet the same size? Yeah.
86. Cassettes or CDs? CDs.
87. Is watching "How The Grinch Stole Christmas" a tradition in your home? Nope.. Haha
88. What are your Christmas traditions? Don't celebrate christmas but I LOVEE christmas movies :)
89. How do you open your envelopes: tear or cut? Tear! I cant open an envelope decently. heh.
90. 10 more to go, are you bored? Quite.
91. Do you like onions? I dont eat them alone. Not good for breath and farts!!!
92. What would you name your band, if you had one? I wont have a band but im starting my guitar lessons this coming week yay!!
93. Have you ever worn a dress? Yes yes..
94. Did you know that if you talk into a vent, someone in a nearby room will hear you? Sure.
95. Frogs or toads? Toads :) They bcome princes when you give em a kiss! hahahaa
96. Do you believe in making a wish at 11:11? No.. So lame..
97. 8 or 3? 8 :) Favourite number!
98. How long can you hula-hoop for? Depends..
99. Did you know Dave is AWESOME? er. NO.
100. You made it. Do you love me now? Isnt there like a 100 more questions.. Whew.
101. Did you ever eat crayons when you were little? No! My goodness..
102. On your last birthday, what did you wish for? For it to last forever =)
103. Do you know all the words to the National Anthem? Yes and its fun chording with the anthem in the mornings :)
104. Is watching the Superbowl a party in your house? No..
105. Are you going to name your son Elvis? Haha no, so tacky.
106. If not, what? I forgot.. Gotta ask my boyfriend. HAHA.
107. What about your daughter? Haney :)
108. Describe your most embarrassing moment. Oh, like how i leaked on the white band chair before? Or how i slipped and fell flat infront of the mrt station, or how yayayaa..
109. Do you read tabloids? Sometimes..
110. Did you ever find Bugs Bunny attractive when he put on a dress and played? Haha so that sounds quite disturbing actually.
111. Do you like cotton candy? LOVE!!!!!
112. Do you suffer from cramps? Often during my periods.
113. Do you have that not-so-fresh feeling? At the moment yes, haven took my bath yet. haha.
114. Favorite food? Oh you don't want to ask me this!
115. What would be the first thing you would do if you won the lottery? SHOPPING!!!! after i carefully draw out a list of things to budget my money on so that it doesnt disappear in a day. Haha.
116. Ribbed or plain? Plain
117. "Lala" or "Skittle de bop du wop"? Skittle de bop du wop
118. Apple pie or cherry pie? Apple pie :)
119. Pepsi or Coke? Pepsi, actually.
120. Strawberry or Vanilla? Strawberry!
121. Favorite movie? You dont wanna ask me this either!
122. Favorite Actor? Adam sandler!
123. Favorite Actress? Nope, no favourites.
124. Cheerios or corn flakes? Corn flakes!
125. Panty hose or thigh-highs? Panty hose.
126. Do you shave your legs? Nopeee.
127. Midnight or mid-day? Midnight :)
128. Hope or Billy? Hope
129. Cottonball or Q-tip? q-tip. (actually q-tips are cotton buds. I just found out on tyra's talk show that day! :P)
130. Dry or lubricated? Lubricated..
131. Fast or slow? Slow
132. Hard or soft? Soft
133. Yogurt or ice-cream? Ice-cream with yoghurt. mmm.
134. Spoon or fork? fork!
135. Are you crying right now? No lah. Are you?
136. Fling or flick? Flick
137. Look at your middle finger, on your right hand, what do you see? Nothing.
138. Look to your left, what do you see? Sofa
139. Look to your right, what do you see? Window
140. Who is at your house right now? My parents and shithead.
141. Are your legs crossed right now? Yup. Hahahaha how do you know!
142. Do a few twirls, are you dizzy now? Didnt do those twirls. ahahha
143. Favorite song? so many many :)
144. Boxers or briefs? Boxers!!!!
145. Tootsie pops or blowpops? erm. tootsie pops sounds nicer. HAHA.
146. Big Red, Juicy Fruit, or Doublemint? Doublemint
147. Do you like to fish? Nope. so stinky. hahahaa.
148. Is your grandpa cool? He was hot when he was young =)
149. Does your grandpa bore you with long stories? nope.
150. Do you snore? nah.
151. Describe how your breath smells right now. No smell.. LOL
152. If you were a girl, would you rather be "Matilda" or "Alexis." Alexis.
153. Does it taste good? depends on what im tasting :)
154. Do you lick your envelopes or use a sponge? licked before. hahaha. its gross.
155. Do you chew on pens/pencils? Sometimes on pens.
156. What is your favorite comic? Archie comics :)
157. Acting class or class act? acting class. I want theatre studies in jc.. :(
158. Upside-down or downside-up? Upside down
159. What's up? Nothing much.. Im doing fine nowadays, you?
160. What does "GROWL TIGER" make you think of? tiger beer.. haha.
161. What does this -> .dm,'fglkserhngjkqb; make you think of? someone pissed
162. Blondes or brunettes? Brunettes duh haha (what happen to redheads)163. Push or pull? Push..
64. If a door says pull, do you automatically push? I'll pull lah.
165. Do you even read those door things? Yeah i do.
166. Do spiders scare you? Not really. Im more afraid of flying things. haha
167. What does? flying things just said so.
168. Did you know I was scared of FROGS when I was a baby? Okay.. hahahaha
169. What was your first word? No idea.

Okay. It was suppose to be 200 questions. Cant belive jia xin did the WHOLE damn thing. AHAHA. Im bored and i want to sleep. BYE :)

2006-11-23T10:57:00.000+08:00

Eh. so cool! i haven't been blogging for about ten years already.

so anyway i have no problem enjoying my new found freedom but it was REALLY hard to thrash my amath tys. haha. in true geek style.. I MISS TUITION!! hahaha. but having nothing to do everyday is quite annoying la. i can't believe i've already watched like 4 movies in 6 days? thats like in less than a week.

anw im bloody proud of my section. having to salvage the band by transferring our hornists all over. oh that reminds me that i forgot to punch out my card since like tuesday. LOL. mr glosz forgot to return my fisherman's friend! hahaha but its alright. i bought a new one already :)

oh well. gonna apply for PAE now.

so not looking forward to glamour(so not glamourous). grad night is so rubbish la.

2006-10-22T22:20:00.000+08:00

Since I have no other choice but to face up to the cold, harsh reality that the big evil exams are approaching and I don't really blog nowadays anyway, I shall take my leave.

Temporarily.

Smellypinksocks.blogspot.com will be on HIATUS :D
oh, and i hope the band concert will be as nice as the poster.

Till 17 Nov 06,
i'll continue hating mayoneise,look forward to those guitar lessons and continue loving those people who still bother to tag.

2006-09-30T17:51:00.000+08:00

guess the previous post significantly enough didnt make much sense, no?

in short, im earnestly losing my self confidence to, i dont have the slightest idea what. but lets put that aside for awhile now.. last night, i had so many dreams. i dreamt it was doomsday, oh yes. it was the end of the world. oddly enough, i was at my grand's place, everyone was fluttering around, which seemed queer, just swooping about with blank faces and indifferently, as if it didn't matter it was almost our last day on earth, as if there was no one around us. because they, including me, was too busy trying to memorise prayers, everything that we could desperately remember and nothing else mattered.

oh, how weird.

after that, i dreamt hady mirza came to my house. he was sitting on my black ugly sofa, in his constrasting and sharp looking, porcelein white suit, smiling widely and answering our fervent questions.

what is my mind becoming to? :\ i think having an overdose of harry potter, sleep and tv is making me paralysed in my own bed these few days. i'm so bored, i actually feel like studying. ooookay. i think im gonna hve to get ready nw. gonna have my banana split i've been dying for at swensons later :)

oh, and i think i lost some FATS! ok bye.

2006-09-27T18:02:00.000+08:00

with those beaming white spots swimming perilously, immediately her naked face dipped into the warm, solace of the dark.

what time was it?

her slender fingers tapped about blindly like a prowling cat without her whiskers. it was a little funny, the feeling inside. something i had not felt in a long time, something, new. a little odd, yes. it wasn't nice, that i knew. argh. wotcher playin at, mind games? stop pulling my heart strings and leave me alone!

where has confidence gone? she used to be my friend. but she left.

all of them left.

go ahead, leave.

thats what they all do..

welcome, inner voice.

2006-09-24T14:21:00.000+08:00

Your Birthdate: August 20

You are a virtual roller coaster of emotions, and most people enjoy the ride.Your mood tends to set the tone of the room, and when you're happy, this is a good thing.When you get in a dark mood, watch out - it's very hard to get you out of it.It's sometimes hard for you to cheer up, and your gloom can be contagious.
Your strength: Your warm heart
Your weakness: Trouble controlling your emotions
Your power color: Black
Your power symbol: Musical note
Your power month: February

oh, how true can that get. power colour, black? hmm...

2006-09-23T11:59:00.000+08:00

Greatest fears.

To lose mum, dad, boyfriend, hidayah to death.

Really. I would get stabbed in the heart for these people. I would do anything. Bold statement? I do mean it.

Not to mention i hve the biggest most loserophic phobia of water. I still bathe, stupid goons, im just scared(very scared) of deep waters. Especially, deep black waters at night. (swimming pool included). So next time if we go sentosa for other loserphobic balloon hat festival, please don't force me across that BRIDGE again. :)

I've been doing nothing but sleep since yesterday. Not to mention went to watch john tucker must die. Typical high school movie, which i do enjoy no matter how stereotype it may be. hah. Kate looks like so many people at once man. I was like, eh? she looks like kelly clarkson. Eh no, thats not right, she looks like carrie underwood. Wait a minute. Now she looks like the one who acts in legally blond. The black head cheerleader is ashanti by the way. At first i thought she was janet jackson. HAHA.

I love donuts you know. I always thought it was spelt doughnuts. both can right, no? Haha.

Anyway i think everyone is beginning to accept this world of homosexuality. Many months back everyone goes eeeeee, ahhhhh, whatttttt?! But now, it seems normal. Im not saying its a perfectly good thing, though im open with it. I guess its subjective. I think it shouldnt be for life, whether it can be helped or not.

Ever since mother has been discharged, we have like a million types of fruits in the fridge! Dragon fruits, oranges, apples, green grapes, red grapes, you name it we have it :) Grapes are miracle workers anyway. They work through your bowel and make you shit real good. I think its almost like an immediate effect or something. Ahah.

Its almost 12.30pm, lazy saturday afternoon. I think i might just go to sleep again. I deserve this okay.

Though they're 3 papers left next week. Haha who cares. Bye!

2006-09-18T17:02:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes you see unsightly things around you, things you don't want to see, don't want to read, things you don't agree with, things that aren't true about you, things that are just unpleasantly painful.

its simply impossible to please everyone. fact is, some people like me, others don't. some people think they know what im all about, or even what im talking about, but they don't.

its not easy living indifferently pretending everything's alright, when you know that there's always a pricking torn whispering at the back of your head. its normal to feel angry, to feel mad, to feel like its insane. why the fuck can people brew such unearthly conclusions? bored? hah. go and die la.

thank god for the ones who stand by your side and pray for those who live by hatred and sin.

exams are just a phase thats tests discipline. i don't have discipline, so i guess that means i fail? right. & why does so many people spell your as u're. you are is u're. not your. its irritating me. ha ha. i miss having lessons and living time off with laughter and friends. Whre's MANAB! Busy studying.. well of course then, she has a successful life waiting ahead of her.

god, its been ages since i had such thought provoking moments. i was talking with my brother yesterday. just discussing how it wouldve been if our parents got divorced since they can't seem to get along last time and nowadays it seems rather uncanny. i now my parents love each other, but they just seem to be hampered by a communication barrier.

brother says he didnt mind a divorce back then because both parents will treat their children exeptionally well and give lots of money because they'll feel guilty about making their children go through what they've caused.

i'll never want my parents to get divorced.

many months back, i always wanted my family to go for counselling. yeah sure, we're well off and things are alright. but i know my mother is keeping silent about all her woes and wants. she's getting mre ill, getting more treatments for so many things. my father simply busies his worries off with work.

my brother just graduated from ite and he's started some part time job at the factory and he likes complaining about the makciks and indian women who work there. hah. this morning when i woke up, the house felt so empty. mum work, dad work, brother work, i woke up alone and paced about the cold, marble floor.

somehow, i know my family loves each other. this is real love. no matter how little time we have for one another, no matter how much we scream at one another, we still love.

tt's all that matters. give me strength to pull through this.

2006-09-17T12:54:00.000+08:00

how come all ~~soaps, shampoos, facial foams, cleansers~~, COSMETIC PRODUCTS promises to do this do that do this do that, and none of them exactly does work? ha ha. there's like at least 4 brands of shower foams in my store cupboard and all them promises smooth, silky, soft, fragrant skin.. yafooooo my foot ah. my legs are like still yucky and my hair is like a broom. haha. its just me i guess. on the contrary though, i DO like my new soap man. the smell is like sooo diabetic. HAHA. :D this one promises "SPA treatment". Hahaha right on..

Sooo one week of prelims gone & i've faithfully kept off the computer. ha ha. Im kind of super screwed because there's still amaths, chem and geog to study for and.. i was busy watching and studying tv since 7-12 yesterday, so nth much basically went in my mind. lol. i'm kind of slowly giving in to this pressure you know..

watched family man last night. its a good show you know. basically telling the story about how you simply can't live without love even with all the money you have in the world. *nods* haha. but it would be nice to have both the cash and the love ya'dig? hahaha. dig, dig, dig your nose!! :x

its 17th september today. exactly two months from this date, 17 November 2006, the stupid o levels will be over people. mark that down in your calendar. just hang on for two more, stupid, weary, long, dreadful months. then there WILL be the rainbow after the storm. but that rainbow will only last till we get our results la. then it could either be a nice happy, tropical sunshine kind of weather or a thunderstorm and whatnot. which reminds me i still have a ton of things to study for geog, and im still here. ha ha. its okay.. :
i know the ha ha ha ha is like annoying and everything. but its fun ok. :D I like. ha ha. ok ok whatever, i better go off now. take care you all, and i hope the pope n those angry muslim people will live peacefully soon. the world dies with so much hatred in this world. man.

2006-09-09T13:11:00.000+08:00

how come i cant help but feel jealous when i was the one who made this happen.
why must i be so.. sensitive? when im not even doing anything to help this work. yayaya.

did you know anyway that beyonce's boyfriend bought her a car worth abt 1 million for her birthday? i think i'll never earn 1 million even after i die. ah the fairness of this world. im getting worried about mummy what with all the medical problems of hers that are resurfacing again. :(

haiz. had a bloody WEIRD dream last night though.

was in school sitting outside the school bookshop with supposedly my malay class, but there was like mly ppl from 5A also. :\ then nani was crying & she said it was because she fought with adam and i was hugging her and everything. and then, my classmates kept eating my famous amos cookies and i was like sad. ha ha ha. & then, i was with benny and we wanted to pick a fight with this indian SCOUTS boy in the bookshop ! But when we went in, it was some malay guy in normal home clothes. Then i started doing that gangster thing with the guy, like EH WHATS YOUR PROBLEM kind of thing. Then he got too strong for me.. so i..

BIT HIM.

Hhahha. Then i have no idea what happened. When i woke up i was wondering why i didnt just kick his balls and run away. It wouldve been so much easier. Guess my mind is really having fun playing tricks on me.

i wonder whats going on in hidayah's mind nowadays..

2006-09-08T16:29:00.000+08:00

yay i like my hahas with spaces in between.

ha ha ha.

ok sry that was stupidly random. studying night shift and waking up at 3-4 in the afternoon is SHIOK! everybody go try (:

crikey. i gotta rush off fr tuition now.
dios.

2006-09-04T16:43:00.000+08:00

'Crocodile Hunter' Irwin killed

The naturalist worked to protect Australian wildlife Irwin with crocodiles Australian environmentalist and television personality Steve Irwin has died during a diving accident.

Mr Irwin, 44, was killed by a stingray barb to the chest while he was filming an underwater documentary in Queensland's Great Barrier Reef. Paramedics from the nearby city of Cairns rushed to treat him at the scene but were unable to save him.

Mr Irwin was known for his television show The Crocodile Hunter and his work with native Australian wildlife. Police in Queensland confirmed the naturalist's death and said his family had been notified. Mr Irwin was married with two young children.

"It is believed that Mr Irwin collapsed after being stung by a stingray at Batt Reef off Port Douglas at about 1100 (0100 GMT)," a police statement quoted by AFP news agency said.
"His crew called for medical treatment and the Queensland medical helicopter responded. However Mr Irwin had died."

NOOOOOOOOOOO.

:'( This is bad. No im not psycho i just like steve irwin :(
sigh. god bless.

Anyway, I did go to swensons afterall, today that is. After being supersonically freakin*(&@^^F STRESSED last night. But thank goodness for boyfriend and best fren. Hehe. Imagine.. Joel's in someplace like hongkong now ok. You're one hell of a lucky asswipe. Hahahaha. I saw my face on the pillar at the school foyer now today!! LOL. So amusing. It was on chocolate day. Awesome. Haha.

Ok need to eat then go bathe and mug again.

Till again :D

2006-09-03T15:10:00.000+08:00

shitbag. you knw josh groban's low voice is so sensual? haha. orgasmic! especially when he sings in spanish or stg.

anyway, sry cousin for kind of not letting you come over my place since i was sick. aghhh. off to mug again. sigh late nights. i wish i could just go SHOPPING! *&!!)^#RHYHFF and eat swensons and watch movie and hug and kiss and just BREATHE.

but wait.
i can't.

well then. guess that's life as we know it.

fuckittyfuckfuckfuck.

2006-09-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

you know sometimes i think i should just be a loner because i cant seem to help my friends. FYI, im the worse person to talk to and help you when you need advice. all i can do is listen. wow. how useful.. nor can i fathom whats in HER mind nowadays.
& when im worried, HE finds me a bother, when im not worried.. ala whatever ok.

i hope corne's doing fine at his piano exam.

i heart my new comp (: so pretty. 19 inch and 200++ gig. Powerhouse man. heh. had tuition this morning and after that went to indulge in good food and studied for a few hours with boyfriend. celine dion's duet with josh groban for the prayer is soooooo mind blowing. shit la. go listen ok?

thank goodness the flu's getting slightly better but the cough has just started. stupid lah.

ntg else about today. hope everyone's doing fine & studying hard :) get well soon lutfi!

out,
*sniffs* & adidas-fragrants! yumyum

2006-08-31T10:33:00.000+08:00

yeeesh.

i've had enough of all these misunderstandings and everything else. for me personally, i don't hate anybody in the CA. you guys are nice people. why should i? ok, end of story thank you goodbye. i'll never delve into those issues again. there are more important things in life, really.
sry ms brain juice, this post is going to be similar to yours. haha.

haven't been to school for the past two days bcos of the onslaught of a killer flu in my body is clearly imminent & emergency measures have been taken to ensure that defence is sturdy before the enemy attacks where it hurts most, especially during an unruly period of time which is approaching. in other words, the stupid prelims are coming & if i don't try to recover soon, i'm screwed.

you know its like i make all these timetables and planners, but somehow or another, i always give myself excuses to call it a day or whatnot. i guess this is the period i have to stretch myself mentally AND physically, (to the unfortunate extent i have fallen ill) but its really, honestly arduous. i never truly understood the meaning of stress, until now. its scaring the hell out of me that i only have less than 2 weeks left to sit for the exams testing on more than 100+ chapters. how in the world am i going to muster all the strength to push myself during this final leg of the race? especially when i know my close friends or classmates are working so hard.. and i study till 3am just for one night, the next day i'm like some sleeping whore. maybe i need energy pills or stg. haha.

whatever. try my best. i hope nazurah does too. i know, i always say i am there for you but i haven't been of much difference. but i figured that there's only so much the people around you can do.. its tough to force yourself up on your two feet and jostle your way around the pain and times you miss him so much you feel like tearing your heart out, (don't mind my melodramatic expression) and its even harder when he doesn't look affected while you've tried the hell out of yourself to stay strong..

yes, he's been your loved one for the past 10 months over, but look at how fast he's moved on? doesnt it even occur to you that he's not clinging on to the past anymore? he doesn't even look sad in class and he's talking to other girls like life is perfectly normal. why should you cry? its like fighting an aimless battle. you are not going anywhere. yaya, im not in your shoes, i don't know what its like to lose my boyfriend.. but yet again, at the end of the day, the decision lies in your own hands.

he is not worth it. not worth the tears, not worth the time, not worth the worry, not worth your future, not worthy of you.

you don't need him, you have so much more to live for. look at the number of hands stretching out to you and trying to reach out to you. people around you are making an effort. although it might not succeed in making you feel better, look at them and compare how much they care for you so much more than how he cares for you now. see the difference? hidayah told me that you don't look like you need much consoling. she's true you know. ppl can talk to you, listen to you, shower you with attention but if you don't want to try harder, ( i know you've been trying hard, but hard is not enough) then you're going to sacrifice your last 10 years of education, your time, your future, the job that was suppose to help you support your parents, EVERYTHING.

and for who?

for him who doesnt care.

not worth it.

2006-08-25T20:46:00.000+08:00

Etiquettes to follow:

do not drink from my bottle, at least lift it away from your mouth.

do not eat with my fork and spoon, i dont mind sharing just get ur own utensils or wait till i've eaten my share.

do not push your plate of gnawed bones and soggy vegetables and ask me to return it when im still eating cos i'll lose my appetite & i wont finish everything else.

do not speak to me with dingy pieces of leftovers between your teeth. i wont talk to you for probably the next entire week.

do not, order me around because it infuriates me beyond your imagination.

and to the stupid lower sec students who run around and make so much noise when we're studying in class, GO N DIE & grow up.

thank you.

woah. no la, im not that mean. just rather blunt & mean nowadays. i think its pols la. (pre o level syndrome). teachers day rehearsal today. wait wait wait but in the end wasn't in time for our turn & had to leave for tuition already. i hope they did well c: its nice to cheer for classes (e.g 4V and 4R) with our applause and whistles, because to put it simply, they're nice and they deseve it.

ok. gonna study now.
bye people.

2006-08-21T19:15:00.000+08:00

hurry hurry be jealous, i've got the loveliest friends in the world! :D

birthday was awesome.

Me: doesn't swensens offer free icecream if my birthday is today?
Waiter(fucked up face): er.
Me: IF my birthday today.
Waiter: yes we do. is it your birthday today?
Me: yea it is. so am i getting a free icecream?
Waiter: (deep breath) sure. can i see your identification card?
Me: i only have an ez link.
Waiter: (deeper breath) yes any identification card will do.
Me: (fishes out card and smiles)
Waiter: (grabs card and starts scribbling away on notepad, looking busy).

God! I so wanted to smack your face mr waiter. But nevermind, since you gave me a nice firehouse with a pretty candle, thank you very much.

Ate ate ate. Yum yum. Nice food, nice company, super soft and fluffy chair!

Before that, met with Lutfi who was super nice & gave me the HUGE box ( I think I can fit in). with like a huge jigsaw frame with our photo in the jigsaw, a puzzle to solve, hersheys and a card. Okay wait. Maybe i can't fit in. Blegh. SRY LOR not everyone has a nice body like MANAB. Haha. I kind of like have a new fetish for the word LOR. Like very fun lor. Its so gay :) Hot!

Then boyfriend was super sweet to wait on me and carry my BIG box (luckily I wasn't inside). shopping bags, etc etc. :) And of course his beautiful present. Heh heh.

Today started off with a pleasant suprise with breakfast table suprise! Like you know come to the table then suprise suprise! Present! Got a photo album from the many people who shared. I think it was Hidayah, Izzati, Nani, Nazurah, Guohao, Kekang, Eden, Corne, Ruiqi. Not sure who else. Heh. Thanks so much LOR! Its like damn hot la. SO many pretty photos. I couldn't stop flipping and reliving such exquisite memories.

Of course, Corne & Manab my besties gave me a pretty bracelet from Perlinis :) Hehe. Why in the world does perlinis remind me of penis. Benny keeps saying Tampines as Tampenis. Irritating. Haha. Before i forget, thanks to seriously everyone who remembered and shared birthday joy with me :)

In no particular order,

Benny, Zat, Joel, Rudi, Shawn, Ivan, Ben, Nigel, Hidayah, Weiyang, Corne, Manab, Izzati, Nani, Nazurah, Guohao, Eden, Ruiqi, James, Jeremy, Lutfi, Michelle, Elaine, Julie, Gary, Cheryl, Shermaine, Myles, Anavil, Elfirah, Adriano, Vans, Angel, Farid, Aiman, Mum, Dad, Aunt, Russell, Zizie, Penguin, Zachary, Rina, Jiaxin, Aaron, Jianhui, Farahliyana, Siti, Weichoy, Bryan, Udaya, Azwan, Dinie, Charlene, Nelson.

:D

Corne to me during Chemistry Class: I wonder why her necklace is so big. Woah, like medallion sia. Maybe its to ward off evil.

HAHA.

out,
Loved & bloated.

2006-08-20T09:10:00.000+08:00

can't sleep. all the blood is churning in my stomach, womb, utera and whatnot. i'm not a bio kid. sry. haha. oh my. i officially turn 16 TODAY. my mum said i was one tough kid to bring life to. ey, i'm not that bad compared to my brother. he was the one with the damn big head and was vacuumed out of my mother's v. now i don't know whats in that head of his or whether he's using it properly. yeeesh.

gonna meet corn to photostat lots of notes and everything, then go out & celebrate with boyfriend. swensons! shopping! town! movie!! (: haha. let me just put life on a hold for ONE day and be blatant about the piles of books and tys waiting for me on my study table. anyway, i was pretty suprised by the number of people who remembered to wish me man. cool cool. so touched. heh. credits next post! but i seriously gotta thank JOEL. haha, who called me about 3 times to make sure it was exactly 12am on my phone before he wished me. HAHA. so funny. thanks man. super super touchin. heh.

since im feeling rich today i shall buy stuffs for corne, isya, shaikha and nazurah :D spread the loveeee. heheh. a big big thank you to them for being the bestest in class nowadays! btw, shaikha is not me, shaikha is my cousin. yes yes my COUSIN. i love shaikha. ahahah as in not ME lah. her! hahaha.

i've been going back for band pretty much every practice nwdays. zoe keeps shooing me away to go study. hahaha. sry man. just cant help keeping away from that room, that home, that put me through a treachorous winding journey in heaven, hell, happiness, friendship, love, music, responsibility, everything. that home that brought me up these 4 years. yup. to those who're still part of the band, man. treasure it.

have a great 20th august people :) i know i will. & thanks for the tags!

out,
with lots of birthday joy & love.

2006-08-19T21:19:00.000+08:00

oh my. its been ages hasnt it.

birthday tmr. a year closer to my death. haha. not a very nice way to put it, but its true.

finally, i can legally watch nc16 movies! HA. and i won't have to borrow hidayah's IC anymore. haha thanks hid :) whoo. its been 365 days since my birthday was celebrated during junior band fest last year. birthday wishes to joel (17 Aug), hid's mum(20 Aug) and jicheng (22Aug, i think). yup. about 13 weeks till o levels are over. yes, over. i don't exactly want to know when it starts. past few weeks have been particularly draining with all the intensive studying after a long day at school. hanging in there. hang hang hang. hanging by a thread.

oh yes yes before i forget to get this off my chest.

by the way, you're not even close to me. i know you hate me, but i don't, whats that word, care? do i look like i bother to even stir up all this shit for you? for goodness sake, i have better things to do and you're not a subject of my concern. god. i hope you get a grip on yourself and search yourself carefully before making accusations. oh and by the way, go ask him yourself, or even better, ask me if you're that insecure. but if you rather go on mulling behind my back, then too bad for you.

okay. good night world.

2006-08-02T17:41:00.000+08:00

HAHA I'm so proud of myself. I can play the first 4 bars of Fairest on the cornet! :)

Did you know, Mrs Maensten enjoys attention so much? Haha. We were like Good Morning Your Royal Highness! And she's like SO happy about it, and can't stop brimming away. Lol. She's damn funny la. (: Though she can't teach well, we still love her. Haha. & she's seriously from Zimbabwe if you people don't know. As in serious la, not joking.. But she claims to be the princess of zimbabwe, that one.. Er. ya.

4V and 4S at motivation camp these three days. I think motivation camp is so redundant for 4S cos they're like brainy geniuses whose got all the motivation in the world! Haha. Ok la, maybe not all.. but they're still the smartest in the level..

I'm like blogging all these posts that end up going nowhere.. Haha. Whatever. OH. I have to reach school at like 6.45am tmr for skit practice? My mother.. DO YOU KNOW HOW EARLY IS THAT. ahhhhhh. never mind never mind. I love pringles man. So addictive. There's this bbq flavour one.. Whoooo.

ANYWAYYY. ZAT THE GREATEST IS GONNA BE BACK TODAY! YAY! haha. (i'm still the great k? he's the greatest) :) Haha. from Brunei! Was telling benny I was feeling zat-sick. Haha. like you know home-sick.. zat-sick. Ya lah. Haha. Hope he gets back to Twe soon and work his magic! Hahah. Prelims are in 4-5 weeks by the way people! If you hadnt realise!

Anyway. I wonder if the Sec 4 batch can put up our own batch performance for esplanade.. Like one song.. Hmmmm..

2006-07-22T17:45:00.000+08:00

HELLO WORLD.

I officially suck at soccer, and I shall never attempt that sport again. Ok maybe during next pe lesson I will. HAHA. You know whenever that fast, muddy, grimy ball comes spinning my way, I'll be like OH MY MOTHER!!! then i'll run after it and probably it'll just roll right through my legs. :
I suck. Haha. Zat's in Brunei now by the way. Wonder what SAF is doing there. I asked him to buy me some oil as souvenir perhaps? Haha. I mean like, what else is there in Brunei man. I wanna go for the Sultan's birthday bash. Did anyone catch glimps of it on the news quite awhile back? Man.. There were chandeliers, gold chairs, plates, forks, knives.. I think he uses gold tissue paper to wipe his arse.

Shitbag. Some people are just the luckiest in this world.

I'm so proud of myself for completing my composition about some unusual person and I made up some dumb story about AUNT MATILDA whom I don't even have. (: Hahaha. OH, and did i mention? I'm so sad that Gayle's out of Singapore Idol. Like wth? Her voice is good la, but Singapore just doesn't seem to like her that much. Damn, i still applaude her for her rendition of beautiful disaster though ;) I just love that song. Hah. Julie too! Wahaha.

I was so random, i called up Joel and asked him what's his new blog address. For anyone who's wondering what's going on in our Drum Major's mind, www.bittersweet-resolution.blogspot.com. :D I like the word bittersweet, it's like so ME. Wahaha. What..ever.

EEEEEEE. Wonder whats with my blogging nowadays. Not much heavy posts, thus not that good a read either eh ppl. So excited though! My class t-shirt will be printed VERY VERY VERY soon, Monday i think. & soon 43 people will be wearing my design :) With lots of advice from Pamela lah not to forget. Hehehhh. WOOHOO.

Did you know, I don't know how to eat ice kachang properly? Damn it's hard.
I try to eat from the bottom, the mango on top melts and drips & collapses sooner or later.
Then i eat from the top, the entire CHUNK will just fall and yeah.. there you go. Haha. I'm still looking and waiting for Racial Harmony pictures. PLEASE SEND ME IF YOU HAVE THEM. & me in it also la. wahaha.

Aights. I gotta shit, bathe and take out these plastics in my eyes. Till again!

2006-07-09T17:22:00.000+08:00

omg i'm soon gonna be the fattest girl in the world if i don't stop eating.

look i'm not one of those girls who go EWWWWW when they see blood, or AHHHHHHH when a guy takes off his shirt, or IMGONNADIEEEE when a fingernail chips.

But i really think my fats are getting humongous, it's scaring me! I wanna be like hidayah. She never gets fat. Asswipe. So need to go on that exercise regime i planned years ago, but i always put it off. typical. Nazurah's funny anyway. She's SHRINKING!!

Nazurah: Every year my height reduces by 1cm and my weight increases! I used to be 160cm, now i'm 159 and heavier!
Shaikha: Then in 159 years, you'll be THIS small (shows thumb), and so fat, they'll have to take your height horizontally!!!!
Farah: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAA

My overdue thing that zizie tagged me ages ago!

five random facts about me.
1. I eat all my burgers plain.
2. I bite my nails. yah, ew. i know. get over it. hahaha
3. I secretly want a belly button piercing. AHHH the horror!
4. I know lots of gays, and they're nice, normal people okay! Just a little sexually challenged, thats all (:
5. I hate sci-fi movies. and i wish Cuthbert dead, and i don't like the smell, mention or sight of pork.

five things that scares me.
1. Roaches lah, then. All goddamn flying insects actually. Lizards are fine. They're quite cute. Hehe.
2. Mother tongue oral exams.
3. Breakups.
4. Doomsday.
5. Incredible Tales. Sry, i know thats damn gay of me. Ahahah.

five random music at the moment.
1. Kelly Clarkson (BEST!) - Beautiful Disaster
2. Sandy Thom - I wanna be a punk rocker
3. Taylor Hicks - Do I make You Proud
4. Metallica - Nothing Else Matters (Acoustic la then)
5. Tokyo Kosei - Poetic Intermezzo

five things i say the most.
1. Hey Bitch.
2. OH MY MOTHER!
3. Shitbag.
4. Love you too honey..
5. Shut up, you're so irritating.

five people to do this.
1. Julie!
2. Maryanne (:
3. DAYAHHHHHHHH muahaha.
4. Nazurah. Hehehe.
5. J (:

2006-07-06T22:08:00.000+08:00

the world is round but the world is flat. the world is adamant but the world is kind. irony of it all. ok. just felt like saying that. no relations to what i'm about to post about whatsoever. shan't post in complete sentences today. sleepy. hahahah. what an excuse. lol.

o's drawing nearer.
time running short.
schedule's overpacked.
body overworked.
not working enough.
not studying enough.
future at stake.
not feeling too good.
take exams.
wait.
results.

die.

yeah, basically.

chocolate day was a blast. omg, im so random today i can't seem to stop weaving from topic to topic. haha. whatever. it was nice to work together to make the montage and shared good quality time with old friends once more. still haven recovered from lack of sleep since then though.

oh, and i haven't showed my report book to my parents yet. its been abt a month? haha. so hero. great. joel's hair looks way nicer now. gary looks traumatized when i told him he was hot. hahaha funny man. oh, sad man mr oh's last day in sch today. no teacher teasing me already. ah. i wonder why anavil hugs girls in the middle of the canteen. hidayah hugged anavil. tsk. the cup corn i ate today was good! chemistry tuition was so funny woohoo.

sleepy la. good night.

shit la. havent studied for emaths test tmr. damnit.

2006-06-29T17:14:00.000+08:00

haha. my friends are so lame they just make me laugh and laugh.

"farah, you're so dumb, you tripped over a cordless phone."

"farah's so dumb, she took bus number 22 twice cos she missed bus number 44."

ahhhhhhhahgakzchokelol just SHOOT me and let me die within this wrath! morning digest speech tomorrow. can't say it'll be a very good speech cos honestly its so not special and so tacky. and i can't say it'll be that bad either cos i think it's pretty average? ah whatever.

yeah, you guessed it. i'm so blogging about morning digest! for those who don't know, temasekians,(well the sec 4's at least) have to go up in pairs and present a speech to the entire school during morning assembly. its up to the english teacher to decided if the content of the speech has to be about a set prefix of values like leadership,etc. or it could be anything you want.

for the past 4 years, there's been sooo many types of morning digest la. but the one i can remember the most is when this pair started challenging and insulting school rules and the next day mdm audra gave a in-your-face-you're-so-screwed-you-offended-us-damn-bad speech and started telling us the logic behind certain school rules and stuff.

then there's the classic random speech with random facts you never knew about yourself, or the traditional on-the-day-event speech like say, chinese new yr around the corner and the speech is SURELY about superstititions the chinese believe it and whatnot.

then there's the irritating speech. the one that tries to be funny but is so not amusing, especially when the speaker's accent is fake/cannot make it slang. then there's the verma speech. the kind that just makes you sleep. oh oh! and then there's the one that makes me feel like beating up the speaker cos he/she speaks sooo softly only for the ants on the mike to hear.

then there's the occasional interesting speech (very rare) but indeed enjoyable. actually, maybe there's isn't. cos the only really funny one i give 5 stars was the time adam and ryan made some psl speech. i think. haha.

but be it morning digest/ psl speech/ saravanan going on about our behaviour/ mrs ong's irrelevant speeches from newspaper articles or books,

i still enjoy speeches.

at least they give us a reason to stay out of class! wahahahahahaa

2006-06-24T16:08:00.000+08:00

stop it.

stop complaining, stop pleading. everyone maligns the band, as if its like poison. callous, brutal and ripping you apart. you know what, it's not. and this has to come to an end.

"What do you know, you're not part of us anymore."

I do know. I know how it feels. I'm guilty of feeling the same way before. To be trying till you've sweat your last drop, cried your last tear, but nothing seems to be changing. Like everything's so unfair. you feel so disheartened and you just want to throw yourself right across the cold, hard wall and wake up wishing it was all just a nightmare. If only it was just as easy. Although i appreciate the people who still try to make a difference, maybe its about time we all settle down and listen to one another.

when you look at each other, what do you see?

i see potential. diamonds in the rough. talent that needs a kick in the butt. a group of people who need to learn to value one another and spur each other on.

its time we all start understanding the true meaning of respect. no matter how old you are, learn to respect your friends, respect your seniors, respect your conductor and most importantly respect yourself. for the leaders, as much as you want the respect you deserve now, understand that respect needs to be gained over time. you have to proof yourself worthy of that respect. and it goes the same for everyone else.

you're not just any other ordinary person. you're a helping hand, you're water that runs through the ocean, you're the field where flowers bloom, you're the sky the sun rises on, you're the ground where men walk on. you're a band member.

it doesn't hurt to encourage each another on and to start making your own personal goals you want to achieve. find a purpose all of you envision towards so that working together is so much more meaningful. keep communicating, share how you feel and don't leave anyone out. we're a family, not stangers.

i was so desperate to find out why things were turning this way, and i used to blame everything on cliques. i think i was wrong. now i realise that the root of the problem is not just attitude, but passion indeed. why? cos even if you have nothing but cliques, but everyone still shares the same passion for music, music-making would still be a joy.

remember that passion doesn't magically pops out in you the moment you're in the band. a baby doesn't start running at birth, a baby stumbles, falls and only when he learns to pick himself up again, his footsteps begin to be sturdy and he finally walks.

passion needs to be developed. passion is like a flower that needs to watered and cared for. it can always be strong and impetuous at one time, but it can always dwindle into a miniscule spark from a blazing fire when you least expected it.

everytime you feel like blaming or scolding someone for not being responsible and you feel its just so unfair because there you are trying to be the best you can be and someone else is sitting around so incoherently..

firstly, is that person worth your attention at all? have you treated the person fairly and justly? have you given your juniors what your seniors have given you? if you have, is it enough? have you sat down with them and had a proper conversation? have you ever spoken your mind logically and politely or have you just been keeping quiet and keeping inside you and expecting them to change with your occasional tantrums and temper? enough finger pointing.

true, we need to be realistic. and we all know that everything seems to be like a masquarade which we cleverly mask ourselves up when it isn't exactly fine. as much as you dread going for practices nowadays, how you wish you could just escape.. there will always be a small voice in your head, tugging at your heartstrings when you're really not part of the band anymore.

you'll suddenly feel so hollow, so empty.. and you actually miss all the problems and tribulation you faced, then you'll look back and you laugh at how you cried because you thought that it was like the end of the world, like things would never get better. but hang in there, cos there's always a rainbow after the storm.

only you can decide how you want things to be. if you decide to put in just a little bit more effort than you usually do, than that's already a start you should be proud of. the distance doesn't matter, it is only the first step that is difficult. you can't force yourself to like band, or stop youself from remisnicing the good times and want it back so badly.. but as a wise man once said, anger is natural. grief is appropriate. healing is mandatory. restoration is possible.

you need a little less conversation, a little more action please.

Ladies and gentlemen, we are one, so be like one. There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.

2006-06-22T14:14:00.000+08:00

i knew it. i knew everything was too perfect.

now i'm stuck in bed, shivering like crazy, so i wrap myself in my thick comforter, then i realise i'm sweating and i woke up about 8 times to pee last night, cos my cough is just ripping my throat apart and i suddenly got up at 3.30am to watch E.R cos i couldn't sleep soundly, my forehead is fiery, my cheeks red and i think now i look like pikachu.

look, i don't even know how to spell pikachu. think it's correct. whatever. i need a doctor, antibiotics and a bath.

the bbq's gonna go well. but i can't go. damn. goodbye, enjoy your happy little asses off while i sneeze and burn in my room. ta.

2006-06-20T13:19:00.000+08:00

you know its one of those days when you think that everything's fallen perfectly into place,
the sun's hues brushed beautifully across the horizon, your boyfriend makes you feel like the most stunning woman in the world, the toast comes out just nice, crisp and not too well-done with little crumbs, your happy family portraits compliment your dull walls, the breeze send shudders up your back you actually enjoy, an old friend gives you a pleasant suprise, how the chocolate melts smoothly on your tongue, how you tuck in bed warmly and your all-time favourite tv shows run on tv..

perfect? too perfect.

sometimes i question this fortuity. luck or test of time? is it meant to be this wonderful or is it in actual fact, a measure of your appreciation for such affluence that god could at single blink of the eye, take everything away from you and send your world crashing down.

it's scary. scary to a point i realise that i don't treasure what i have. they say that you don't miss the water till the well runs dry. you don't miss someone until she/he leaves you. you start regreting for not studying, only when you see your ugly report slips. you.. you get the idea.

i think i better start showing thanks for what i've been blessed with. afterall, what are my measely problems of friendship complications, fussy food complaints, occasional flu, compared to the starving children in africa, to the destroyed homes in indonesia after so many earthquakes, to the insecurity and fear living in afghanistan, to the lonely kids in an orphanage, to the dying patients in hospitals, to those who can't even afford to get to a hospital, to a mother who just lost a child?

if you're reading this post, then i figure you'd better start treasuring what you have too. Before you lose it all.

Craig David
You Don't Miss The Water Till The Well Runs Dry.

As I sail with you across the finest oceans
On our way to find the key to our emotions
Together will me move the clouds to brighter days
Some people question what I say
Try to break up you and me

But I know this love between us is growing stronger
You can call me whenever, from wherever just remember that
I'll be there through all the stormy weather
Us break up never, no, we'll be together forever

You dont miss your water till the well runs dry
But I believe so strongly with you and I
Can somebody answer me the question why?
You dont miss your water till the well runs dry

As I close my eyes, sit back while reminiscing
Of when we used to fuss and fight but end up kissing
There may be sad and painful times along the way
But in my heart you'll always be everything and more to me
For I know this love between us is growing stronger

You can call me whenever, from wherever just remember that
I'll be there throught all the stormy weather
Us break up never, no, we'll be together forever
You dont miss your water till the well runs dry
But i believe so strongly with you and i
Can somebody answer me the question why?
You dont miss your water till the well runs dry

For you are always on my mind.

2006-06-19T18:25:00.000+08:00

weird. queer. hungry.

i'm so retarded, i'm actually feeling all those ways right now. hohum. yahoo.com had this ad when i was randomly there.

hmmmmm. told you it was a weird day. n i just realised how contradicting my last two posts are. oh, and benny has a blog. www.thefrenchandmyitalian.blogspot.com (: gdbye.

Main Entry:
weird

Part of Speech:
adjective

Definition:
bizarre

Synonyms:
awe-inspiring, awful, creepy*, curious, dreadful, eccentric, eerie*, far-out*, fearful, flaky*, freaky*, funky*, ghastly, ghostly, grotesque, haunting, horrific, inscrutable, kinky*, kooky*, magical, mysterious, occult, odd, oddball*, ominous, outlandish, peculiar, preternatural, queer, secret, singular, spooky*, strange, supernal, supernatural, uncanny, uncouth, unearthly, unnatural

Antonyms:
normal, regular, usual

colourmeweird,
farah.

2006-06-17T19:36:00.000+08:00

To Whom It May Concern,

I'm sorry you had to conjure such naive conclusions about us. If you feel your analogy of events is indefinitely accurate, go ahead and continue thinking that way. But lets recall oh-so slowly and clearly what had really happened in the first place.

You think that we've drifted apart just because I feel suicidal that you're with your boyfriend all the time?

No no no. Its not his fault you know. Its yours. Or lets be more fair, its ours.
I tried to reach out and tell you how I felt but time and again, but you slammed the door in my face. You know, I just got sick of it. Fucking sick of trying to stick around like a third party. Sick of being treated like a substitute, like dirt. You come to me only when he isn't around or when he's moody and walks off, then you start finding me and start complaining.

"Whats his problem man."

Like hello. Whats yours? Only when you have problems I'm conveniently there to help you. And when you're fine and happy, you just dump me by my sry little self. Have you ever considered how I feel having to tag along all the time? Just when i thought our friendship was suppose to be about me and you, everything became about you and him you and him. He's everywhere we go. And I mean everywhere. We can't even eat recess without even having him around.

I don't have anything against him, but you know what, why should I have to be around him all the time when he's not even MY boyfriend? You know all your friends and your girlfriends you speak about? All of them are too nice to tell you that it is getting annoying. Get a reality check.

Please. You bitch about other couples being intimate in class when he has his arms around you all the time during Geography and you don't like it when teachers seperate you guys.

For one thing, its distracting. For another, its to stop both of you from distracting each other.

You know what. I don't think I should be explaining myself anymore. Afterall, you were the one who sent it finely across that you didnt need me at all. Sorry if I misunderstood, I'm only human.

And when you told Aisyah, "Why should I name her in my blog when she's not my friend anymore?" I only have one last thing to say in return.

I never stopped being your friend until you said I wasn't yours.

So goodbye, good luck with your life. Thank you for everything we've shared these four years, and though I'm a bitch to you now, I still think you're not, you're just growing up.
I understand. Afterall, since everything's better for you this way, then I'm more than happy for you. If you really do need me one day, you know where to find me. Ta.

2006-06-16T19:46:00.000+08:00

"True friends are the people that are there for you unconditionally. They are the people that never question you and support you no matter what the circumstances are. They are the people worth living for."

A Tribute to My Best Friend (:

We started out strangers, in between four walls. Different paths we walked on, different lives we were from. Little did I know there sat a person on a cold, grey chair, her presence so strong, her heart so warm. Her hair was short and soft, her skin was fair and supple, her smile was beautiful and she said, "My name is Hidayah."

That sunny day four years ago, feeling awkward in our fresh, crisp bleached-white uniforms, I vividly remember fidgeting in my seat, my eyes darting about, conversations sailing through our classroom. I sat by the window, surrounded by contours of unfamiliar faces and voices. It was that day I made friends with a person who's played such a huge part of my life, HIDAYAH! :D I was like wow, I'm normal! I'm not the only Malay person looking like some chinese kid anymore wahahah. But beneath that, she was a girl who made me feel so much more comforted just by her big, friendly and glistening eyes.

So that was it. 2003, secondary school life began. I sat beside Hidayah every single morning on top of this irritating drain right at the back of our class on the assembly ground, putting aside the days our dear sleeping queen would be late for school and would be standing at the basketball court either with Ridhwan/Izzati/Nani/Nazurah/Pamela. Secondary One and Two breezed through, our daily parking space after school at Macdonalds or Tampines Mall. We would gossip, buy budget student meals, share everything, talk about anything and soon we converted our Hidayah into a holy band member.

Hidayah for your information was no doubt, hands down, legs up, lights off- A full-time slacker in lower secondary, always dozing off at the back in class. Well, with Verma Magical Sleeping Potion(ORDER NOW! 1800-I-MAKE-STUDENTS-SLEEP) during every English lesson. Her table was heavily vandalized, books were spilling all over, and blue ink splurt all over the table. Hidayah always forgot to bring her apron for Home Ec lessons, and I still remember her never failing to be punished by Mdm Farizah. She had to stand by the front of the class while everyone was scuttling around, cooking. Then in class, Welsonn was always keeping expired, gross, dingy, fungi-nourished plastic containers with rotting food at the back. Okay no link just had to say that. HAHA.

I remember sleeping over her house and even tagging along for her FAMILY DAY at downtown east. Haha. Her family is so wonderful and down to earth by the way. Her mum is so bimb and friendly, and her dad (the Infamous JAIS) is so freakin funny. Her brother is the SUPER QUIET, act cool kid who loves running. She has a gazillion goldfish in a fish tank in her living room, and there is this particular one who likes to swim in such an action way and so we named it the ACTION FISH. But alas, I heard that our dear fish is no longer around today, but probably in a happier realm, maybe in heaven, in a way bigger tank, or maybe the sea, and and.. okay enough.

I also recall our huge food fight in Macdonalds. Was it curry sauce? The two of us were like competing, who could finish up the curry sauce faster. It was so gross. I so needed to puke after that. And our dear enthusiastic spectators, Nazurah, Izzati and Nani were so fascinated. Hahah. We would almost always take 81 everyday, then Hidayah would stop at my house stop and change to 12 or 21. That was the beginning of our wonderful, long conversations where she’d sometimes skip the buses so we could talk longer and it was at my bustop when we first met our dear LUTFI. Hahah!

Then it started, the affiliation with St Pats. We started knowing lots and lots and lots (I really mean LOTS) of St Pats band members and their friends and everyone. It was like the peak period, we had so many contacts and numbers in our phone. And I remember we wanted to be hero and watch the St Pats exchange programme with Maha Bodhi 2 years ago, and we thought lots of Twe people would be there and then it ended up to be simply our two sorry little selves self-invited into their school hall where we took a funny video about their Humility, Honesty and whatnots stuff. I remember us exploring around, somewhat getting awed by the vast school grounds and facilities. Over the months somehow, friendship always got messed up into love and crushes and whatnots either way with a few of their members. Hah. And we would always talk and talk and talk about it and we would be confused and everything. Haha.

Remember us sitting outside your house after the sleepover, talking about how I was rattling on about AZWAN (remember him?LOL), Matthew, Dinie, Shawn, Farid, Guohao, Azhar and whatnots. Hahaha. And we were bitching about Dharma(oops) and all. Then you were sharing your stuff about dear old Ridhwan. Hah. Those were the days..

We would go for so so many band concerts and performances and remember the period we had to go to VCH so many times? LOL. Then I remember the time when it was me, you, LUTFI AND SP (when they were still friends) and we were on the train back to pasir ris after some performance. And we saying how sp was so mat and all with the jeans and sneakers. Hahaha. Oh, not forgetting how we got close to Ayu, how you guys started your blog and everything. Haha.

Then, in Secondary Two, the budgeters began. The famous photos we took at the esplanade.. Hah. That was when we got close to Russell, Michelle, Kekang and stuff. The never ending bimb outings and everything. Soon it evolved into the bigger clique after the Pahang thing happened and everything. Brisbane came, Brisbane left. The nights at the balcony with me you and benny, the photos always in the same positions, the cramps you had at Movieworld that we rushed to buy some water for you, the rides we took on Wild Wild Wet and LETHAL WEAPON!!!! Of course, I was also overprotective when Sharil started scandaling with you. Haha. Remember some of the awful meals, salad shit and cold chicken, thick spaghetti and cold breakfasts. Halal restaurants, instant noodles, the fun crashovers by the guys in our room, the night michelle got emotional (I still remember!) hahaha. And everything else.. It was amazing and I am so so glad I got to share it with you.

Then over the many months, we are still close but not as close in the same way i guess. We have walked separate paths. But you know what, deep inside you are still the same old Hidayah Jais since the first day I have known you. Everything you have said about yourself changing into an angsty person, you are still you. I can still see the same look in your eyes. The girl who still cares, the girl who is always beaming, the girl who is so strong, the girl who might turn out to be my long-lost relative, the girl who is always there for me and the girl I know who will always, always be my best friend.

I really want you to study hard too, though I am not exactly the best model person to be telling you this, but I really hope we would all do well together, succeed together, and achieve our dreams together. Its not easy to put aside all the complex problems you face be it Ivan, Benjamin, studies, family, everything. But sometimes you need to breathe and relax.

Remember how you were so much more carefree then? Be like that. The Hidayah I know is like a wild stallion :) She does things how she wants to, face problems with a pinch of salt and she takes charge of her emotions and not the other way around. No matter what hardships you struggle through, and though you may not always find me as the best person to speak to, you know that I am very eager and always willing to listen. I want to be just as close to you as I was. But you need to open your heart. The only thing that is different about you now is that you are just so afraid to fall in love. Love does not only mean relationships with the opposite gender, but to also open yourself to your friends EVEN if it does makes you vulnerable. Sometimes trying to protect this vulnerable side of you is very dangerous because not everyone is strong enough to do it. One day, you would probably just find yourself breaking down.

Memories that we have shared are always memories. But life is such an amazing teacher that has taught us all so many things. And the most amazing gift we have been given is love. Love is not a fallacy. You know how it feels, you know how it gives you those goosebumps. It may not be exactly true love, but close to it at least. It is beautiful. You know why we all eventually cannot live with it?

Cos it is the closest thing we have to magic.

My friend, if I could give you one thing, I would wish for you the ability to see yourself as others see you. Then you would realize what a truly special person you are.

2006-06-11T20:42:00.000+08:00

aghhhhhhh. i'm such a disney junkie! so totally have a weak spot for movies like the little mermaid, the lion king, anastasia, aladdin, everythinggg (: i'm just so hooked to the soundtracks. but of course i cant stand sci-fi movies or stupid boring shows like madagascar where i fell aslp soundly when we watched it in brisbane.

okay. sidetrack. my brother hasn't been home for about two weeks already. my father suspects he's dead. my mum had a dream about him coming home as a transexual. my aunty thinks he's into drugs. and my grandmother just called worryingly, pleading me to call him to ask him to come home. i mean come on. i know he's my brother, bonded by the very ties of blood and whatever.. and the best part is, he is already.. let me count, er. 16 + 4 = TWENTY years old.

SURELY someone of that age could think for himself. No one is keeping him out of the house you know. To be that old and to need family members to beg him to come home is plain stupid. I know i know, i sound insensitive, uncaring, not concerned.. the whole evil works. but still. It ultimately boils down to his very own decision whether or not he thinks he's capable enough to survive out there in the world by himself, without any money (god knows if he's robbed a bank), living from house to house. for everyone who doesnt know, my brother can be shit in my ass. he can be nice, sometimes. but most of the time, he isn't. i just pray for family's sake, that he's alright and someone will slap him to his senses soon.

but for now, i'm enjoying the peace and security at home without him around.

i had tuition earlier on today. imagine, tuition on a sunday. but it was good :) amaths tuition makes me feel rather satisfied, though i still suck. but oh well. i am making an effort. had lunch with darling today, then went to my cousin's house. my niece by the way is two yrs old, goes by the name of nazura. yes nazura, not nazurah. haha.

she hits me, kicks me, kisses me, grabs me necklace, sticks her finger up my nose, hugs me, pokes me, calls me wawa..

but how can i just not love her? (:

2006-06-07T18:45:00.000+08:00

all insolent faggot ah bengs should slaughter themselves. thank you very much. and before you send all your big-shot tatooed brothers or so you call it, SAVE IT. stop wasting your life away traumatizing girls like me. you wouldn't wanna die knowing the last thing you did is drown in alcohol or rob a grocery store.

geography classes have been tortuous. did u know that tortuous and torturous are two different words but they pretty much almost mean the same thing? woooo insight of the day. today has been damn weird. and i thought that 060606 was supposedly "THE DAY". well, apparently not. oprah's imparting her wonderful knowledge of how to lose 10 pounds instantly without actually losing the weight itself. ha cool man. and it all happens with a smart way of getting dressed. like hw top-heavy women should wear expensive solid bras, and if you have fat arms never ever use off-shoulder tops, and double layering clothes hide a jelly belly and how fitting jackets show off your curvy waistline yadayadayada.

and thanks alot to you. for rushing off just to make sure i'm alright, and always always being there for me. whether its 3am in the night, or whether you're in class, whether you're busy, no matter how i'm always late, how i can snap at you, be rude.. but you never lose your temper. i love you so much.

to corne, i'm glad our friendship seems wayyy better now. i promise to cherish it and to make sure to keep things this way alright? i love you too! hahah. and HIDAYAH jais! my silent but reliable best friend who's still always listening to me whenever i need to tell you my problems or when i randomly msg you. & to mish, this is so random but. HELLO! hahahaha :D

to the present twe council, band and commitee, i hope things are fine without the sec 4's and teachers overseas. take good care of things and be good! santa only give good ~~boys and girls~~ young women and gentlemen presents at the end of the year! hahah. to my section, keep horning! miss you guys so much.

to my parents, get well soon.

to zizie, for your blog post.. mending your heart makes you a stronger person. hang in there.

life's not as bad as it makes out to be afterall. well, for me at least.

2006-06-03T21:13:00.000+08:00

And i'm glad to say, everything's much better now.

High society band dinner swept me off my feet! Literally. The heels hurt me so much i had blisters by the time everything was over and i was estatic to take them off. But who cares! I totally enjoyed myself! Though i didn't exactly made full use of the full cost of $52 because i was too stressed up for our performance later in the evening, I only managed to force a plate of food down (which was superbly good FYI to those who didn't want to go) and i was busy scuttling between the dinner table and the glam, sparkling toilet to relieve myself..

All went well, and there was no doubt that Twe spirit was alive and kicking again :) If only such an overwhelming feel could be present for every single band practice. So the time has arrived, we have finally stepped down. I don't exactly want to blog about this, its just a feeling that i've been dreadful about, relieved, just too personal. I just don't feel that its the end yet..

It's only the beginning.

And its the beginning of the holidays as well. Not much of a proper break for us cos we've got to come down for classes everyday. You know, i love chemistry practicals. But i can NEVER get my titration values accurate. Ha! Nerd speaking.. Bear with it. :) But i love seeing how the colours of solutions change, how precipitates form and MOST OF ALL, hearing the pop sound when hydrogen is tested. SO CUTE LA.

okay. random post. :) I can't come online much, because my dad has issues.

So yup, thats about all. I wish the next commitee a great journey in band ahead! Its not going to be easy, but remember to smell the roses along the way..

Good night all!

2006-05-15T17:49:00.000+08:00

i have issues. i need a psychologist.

you know what. i just feel like tearing myself out and jumping off a building. i need to start anew elsewhere. i'm in such a fucking, fatal mess.

bottling these feelings have been painful. but confronting and facing the truth is even worse than riping fingernails off your toes. so here's my lament.

i know what i do or say now does not matter to you very much anymore. i'm fully aware that for these past four years, i've made such strong friendships, drifted away and now even losing them.

i've said my share and i've tried, i've tried so hard to make this work. look, cornelius lim. i miss you. i miss you so much i've cried till my eyes swell. you know what, you're right. i've been a faggot. Everytime you try to encourage me in class, i've been nothing but unappreciative. i've rarely even muttered a thank you, or showed you my gratitude. but my dear best friend, in my entire sixteen years of my life and my two years of friendship that has sailed through many treacherous highs and lows with you, not once, not for a single second.. that even a minor fraction of thought nor intention of using you has ever passed through my mind.

you're my best friend corne, probably the only one i have left. its easy to find acquiantences, easy to find people who just say hello and goodbye, but its not easy to let go of someone who is so dear to me. you have always been there for me corne. i don't want to lose you. i didn't take the first step out the door. i never did. i'll say it first, i'm not pushing any blame to you but i just want you to know how i feel.

tell me, how am i suppose to go out with you when i'm a social reject with the rest of them. tell me how i've tried to sit and talk to you for almost every class. but do you know how hurt i feel when you tell me you simply tell me you don't feel like sitting with me during physics and you mutter and complain when i join tables with you?

when i'm your best friend but i have to think twice of asking you questions during math because i feel like i'm actually being a nuisance. i felt like shit when i waited for you outside the art room after booster session till the very last person left and locked that room, i called your handphone so many times and you didn't pick up.. and i realised that you already left without a single goodbye. when i try to joke with you, you tell me i'm weird and you snap at me to keep quiet.

i know that everytime you speak harshly to me you're releasing your anger.. everytime you ignore me or give me the cold treatment, you're just giving me a taste of what i deserve..

but then again, i started this entire mess.. i may not be the most perfect person, i may not always be right. i may be resented, i may be talked about. but what i do have left, is only a right to tell you how i feel.. i admit i've been a lousy friend. and i know you well enough that apologies won't change your mind and words won't make you feel differently..

but you know what? i'm really sorry. i'm sorry i've been selfish and insensitive to your feelings. i should've played my part. i took forgranted what i should've done. i never did simple things like ask you about how you feel. all i did was went on and on about the measely stupid problems in my life. you've always been my listener corne. not having you around is just breaking me down.

sitting beside you without speaking to you all day today was just anguish. pretending we don't know each other and what do you call it, keeping our friendship at a professional level? that's rubbish. i just felt like running out of class and shouting.

and one more thing, never ever compare me to her and her boyfriend. i know how it feels to be dumped by my best friend for her boyfriend and how it has hurt me so much. i don't know why you take it that way, but i've never treated you the same way she has to me corne.

i'm really lost for words now.. i don't want to stir this issue further into a bigger whirlpool. i just want to solve this corne. i want things to be the same again.. i really don't know how little or much i rank in your life now, and i don't know if our friendship still matters to you. i want you to give this friendship a second chance corne. what happened to all our promises and dreams to be best friends forever, to keep pushing each other on till we both succeed and get our great results for o's..

i look back upon the times when you wrote silly stuff in my geog textbook i stole from suriadi's shelf last yr, when you sang phantom songs with me as loud as we wanted to during class and made menstrual jokes with snell's law, when we sat together in kamlesh's class and you were his favourite student, when we called each other almost daily for hours to laugh and gossip, when we did our glam projects together and always tried to beat the rest of the class, when you actually gave me your a4 exercise book for amath tuition without me asking, when you listen and gave me priceless advice everytime i was troubled.. the msg you sent me when motivation camp was over, quarelling with you about GR selections and finally admitting that it is actually a nice song, the photos we took with your webcam, when we hugged during motivation camp and laughed through our tears..

there are just so much happy memories corne.
i'm not willing to let them go..

are you?

2006-04-30T13:23:00.000+08:00

hello, with a stinging cough and lots of slushy mucus.

yes, feeling sick and withdrawn.

i wonder whats up with the sombre posts. i'm actually very happy you know. haha. just been very deprived of the internet modem and stuff. its exams again, duh. I HATE EXAMS. haha. if i could just squeeze them all into a tiny ball and crush them till they disintegrate into their tiny little micro molecules and atoms.. that would save us all alot of time and pressure. Yes indeed :)

i'm actually tickled and fairly amused by that psycho blog set up. haha. we've made our analysis and we do have our list of suspects :) haha. russell suggested sueing and demanding for emotional compensation. ah sure, MR DUNKS. lol. what an action name.. so the whole world is into le coq sportif, zinc, billabong and whatnots. branded goods are totally being misused nowadays. its a trend thats beginning to be an eyesore. its not like i'm against the latter, i do have such stuff too you know. its just seem to have lost its whatdoicallit.. class? i mean if everyone has the same thing, its not original anymore. its not.. special.

god knows why i'm rambling about that. irrelevant :) lol. anyway. i was walking across the road when some lorry with lots of loudspeakers and SDA posters attached to it came scurrying by. "VOTE FOR SDA!" haha. everyone's so into the general election. even an incoherent person like i am is beginning to switch on the news and flip through the papers. cool cool. i'm like so afraid about the pap losing this year. haha. just had some crazy thoughts racing through my mind.. like how singapore will suddenly have a complete change with a new government.. and basically everything goes wrong. haha. guess i'm not like those who are daring enough to see what the opposition has to offer.

interesting though.

what an intellectual post. haha. must be the books and notes and files and tys. alright, i'm off to lunch. take care all.

everyone should just vote farah as president. :)

2006-04-08T21:15:00.000+08:00

its a wonder how much things has changed.

from the five of us, reduced to nothing but memories.

from the two of us, to six of you.

from the passion for band to passion for my horn.

from excellence to mediocre.

from friendship to love.

from disputes to happiness.

from failure to learning experiences.

from best friends to spare tyre.

no, as much as i want to be back in the past, it would never be. goodbye dreams;

hello world, hello hell.

oooooh

2006-02-27T18:22:00.000+08:00

3 tests in one day.

Man, my head is about to expode. Literally. Haha. And it had to be all the heavy-content subjects i.e Geog, Hist & Emath. Whew. Its been about 3000000000000 yrs since
I've been here. And my last post was practically rubbish. Ha. But thats what I'm all about anyway, no?

Wellwell. My posts are getting bland.. just losing the touch. Haha. Oh. And i got all hyped up during mt, singing some nursery rhyme. I don't really know how to spell it.. But it goes something like..

My bonie lies over the ocean,
My bonie lies over the sea,
My bonie lies over the ocean,
So bring back my bonie to mee.

Bring back, bring back,
Bring back my bonie to me , to me!
Bring back, bring back, bring back my bonie to me!

HAHA. Remember that?

And then there was..

Something something doggy outside the window
Woof woof..

HAHA. and..

Here's my little teapot short and stout,
here is my handle, here is my ___?

AHHH. Someone fill in the blanks. Hyper me now. hahahahahaahaha. (:

hell no

2006-02-16T20:51:00.000+08:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Farah!

The average duration of sexual intercourse for farah is two minutes!
Snow White's coffin was made of farah!
Owls cannot move their eyes, because their eyeballs are shaped like farah.
The first farah was made in 1853, and had no pedals.
Farah is the largest of Saturn's moons.
Farah was first discovered by Alexander the Great in India, and introduced to Europe on his return.
During severe windstorms, farah may sway several feet to either side!
Farah can sleep with one eye open.
If you lace farah from the inside to the outside, the fit will be snugger around your big toe!
Farah was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons!

WTF.
Got that from Sandra.
Okay bye.

those empty promises

2006-02-08T19:29:00.000+08:00

i wish i could just be left alone sometimes.

i wish i could have more time to myself.

i wish i could have more sleep.

i wish i could sound like philip farkas.

i wish things could come easy.

i wish life wasn't so bitter.

i wish for world peace.

i wish for humanity and true love.

2006-02-04T18:18:00.000+08:00

the sequel of the toe. hah turns out everything is fine now. i got a jab and my arm hurt fr abt a week and thats it. IM ALIVE! okay so i've been failing tests after tests yet again. i really do try you know. but it seems like i'm never ever going to be able to do it. argh. i remember in lower sec and primary school, anything close to the borderline and i'll start bawling my eyes out. and now, i'm just like, whats new?

i think i've just becoming more & more dumb. the end. just had amths tuition and i'm at my cousin's place. and my niece is here. you know.. the cute one. like me (: HAHA. kidding lah. give that face.. ish. hahaha. so there was band this morning, and its really nice to have a proper conductor, proper music, and the ever commited alumnis always comin back despite their busy jc schedules now.

hidayah's birthday was on the 2nd! i hope she liked the pressies (: benny kept insisting on buying her thongs. DID YOU HEAR THAT IVAN? haha oops. ivan doesn't even read my blog. hahaa lol. oh and apparently, my cousin is claiming that his cat is a very confused cat because its supposed to be male, it has balls but it has tits too.

i'm too lazy to find out why. someone tell me if this is normal. the poor cat. alrights, i'm off to eat some wedges! oh, and do tag at the temasekwindensemble.blogspot.com often! (:

so much for my happy ending

2006-01-30T16:33:00.000+08:00

the cool breeze swept across the vast glimmering ocean and the tall trees swayed to the momentum of the wind. i sat on the mat, captivated by mother nature at its best. laughter roaring the the background, family and cousins in amusement, and enjoying a sea-side picnic.

ok. so i had to pee. i wondered off and my own and on my freaking way to the toilet, this fucking rusty,dirty, god-knows-whathasbeenonit fishing line hook got caught on my slippers and PIERCED through my toe. it hurt fucking badly. and yes, it wasn't that big a wound or whatsoever. just a small cut. but a small bit of my flesh was sticking out.

sry for the gory details. continue in a bit. gotta run. sorry for the anti-climax ending.

the year of the dog

2006-01-29T19:48:00.000+08:00

woof woof. yes yes its chinese new year, so happiest greetings to all out there! (: had a spectaculomongous time with my family today. as in the fun aunts n cousins. not the parents. my parents are always working. always always working. busy people. sigh. so we caught a movie and hung out at my cousin's place. my cousin is so cute. she frolics in the water when she bathes, plays with the rubber duck, get chocolate ice cream all over her face, tugs at people to look at her feed herself, and the pampers always sticks out somewhere in her cute red shorts.

innocence and carefree. everyone longs for that. yada yada. so i'm jus feeling abit.. bored at home alone now. whats new. my brother's a baby. getting spoilt at my grands place jus cos he's sick and no one cares about him at home. hush hush big 20 year old brother, farah will feed you and change your nappies :)

oh enough already. stayed home friday morning cos i was too tired to get off bed and make my way to school. so i missed the concert. dang. and its the last cny concert i'll get to watch as a temasekian. ah well. okay, my blog entry is very dry and boring. sry.

so to all the chinese friends, enjoy and eat sparingly during these festive days. don't end up at the hospital with chest pain due to overeating. like.

me

BYEEEEEEE.

2006-01-04T21:57:00.000+08:00

I hate it when i study, i actually start liking the subject, have tuition doubly as much, pin so much hope on myself, and end up failing the fucking reexam, all over again.

Don't sue me for whining. I'm just human.

2006-01-02T22:32:00.000+08:00

If your heart's not in it for real,
Please don't try to fake what you don't feel..
If the love's already gone,
It's not fair to lead me on..
Cos I would give the whole word for you..
Anything you ask of me, I do..
But I won't ask you to stay,
I'd rather walk away;
If your heart's not in it..

Okay. An emotional passage. But i'm glad i took that move and i'm way past it now (: Though sometimes, memories just tug at your heart strings. This kind of things.. can't exactly be helped. All i have to say is, I'm sorry. Well. On a lighter note, school's starting tomorrow! I don't really know how many people are actually as excited as I am about this.. BUT WELL. I AM! I actually miss doing something useful with my life.. like studying.. and bitching.. and smsing during class. Haha. Right. I don't really have any inspiration to blog now so yah. I'll leave you guys to the pictures i promised. (: SEE. I'm starting to keep my promises!

Oh. And before i forget, I WANT MY CANDY FLOSS JIANHUI. Okie. Goodbye!

:)

301205

2005-12-31T20:04:00.000+08:00

Passing Out Parade 2005;
ITS OVER!! Man.. I'm totally swept over by a myriad of relieve, satisfaction and pride in the band. Not forgetting pain in the arms, shoulders, feet and neck.. Hahahaha. I really wanna thank Mr NUR Zatiman (who took MC for two days, you government cheater,haha) :) the patient contingent, the combined band who played so well, the wonderful alumni for helping out, the SUPER NICE AV crew, Nicholas, all who were present and my BEST,BELOVED council who had to go through so much from the very first day of service till now. The screamings, tension, scoldings, bitching, laughter, arguments, meetings, whatever. I still love them :) :)

Undoubtedly a job well done by everyone in making our very first Passing Out Paradea pretty successful one.. Especially when we only had like 3 days of rehearsals. LOL. Will post up the pics in my next post.. OMG.. Sec One orientation's next and i haven even gotten the chance to take like, a breath.. LOL. Oh well. Hahaha. The 30th!! The last time everyone will hear me shouting my lungs outand banging my feet everywhere in the hall.. Nevermind! EPISODE TWO. THE RETURN OF QUEEN FARAH. HAHA. Right. I told benny, it's post-pop syndrome. :)
Darn. So gonna miss drill rehearsals. Haha.

2005 will come to a sweet end tonight. It has been a swift and fruitful year if you ask me. I think i have grown alot character-wise and learnt so much. Made many new friends and gone through so many things that have made me a stronger person. In a few days to come, it will be a fresh new beginning, a new step forward and a wonderful start to new year. I will study hard, be a good girl, come home on time and do my homework.

But first, I must learn to keep my promises. HAHA. Crap lah. I want a cat. Okay. Random wish.

Today was an amazing phenomenon. Yes, i went out with my parents. Well, its not something i do very frequently see. We went shopping at the metro sale.. and.. The bill amounted up to about 400 buckaroos. Hahaha. Its not my fault.. Really.. :) Won't be spending the countdown in any special way.. Just the usual, boring stay at home routine again this year. I'm still worn out from yesterday anyway. So its pretty alright for me.

Oh. & I ripped this off Sandra's blog.

sat on ur rooftop? ppl will probably think i'm tryin to kill myself. thats what hdb residents are like. sheesh.
kissed someone in the rain? nah. it'll be kinda sloppy. haha.
danced in a public place? not really..
smiled for no reason? i ALWAYS smile without reasons :) SEE. Hahahaha.
laughed so hard, u cried? lots of times!
peed ur pants after age 8? oh sure. when my brother tickled me till i couldn't control it anymore.
written a song? eh.. i don't think so.
sang to someone for no reason? OF COURSE! what's the world without singing!?
performed on a stage?yeah..
talked to someone u dun knoe? yeah.. being the nosey farah..
gone out of ur way to befriend someone? definitely.
kind ofbeen in love? a few times..
who was the last person to:say 'hi' to u? jianhui. online.
kissed u?my boyfriend.
hugged u? my boyfriend.
tell u 'bye'? can't remember. haha.
write u a note? shawn.
take ur foto? nicholas yesterday, i think.
call ur cell phone? cousin. she wants to stayover tonight.
buy u something? my parents.
go wif u to the movies? lutfi and daryl. NARNIAAA! (:
write a poem for u? shawn.
text msg to u? benny.
time u laughed? i always laugh lah how to remember.. haha.. see..
song u've sang? your song, elton john.
u've looked at the clock? a split second ago.
drink u've had? iced milo.
u've dialed? cornelius. :)
book u've read? in her shoes.
u've eaten? curry.
u've said? YAWNNNNNNNNNNN.
can u. . .stay up a whole nite without slp? ya lah.
speak a different language? mother tongue counted? not good at it though.
do u. . .miss someone so much tt it hurts u so? guess so.
love someone so much tt u wan to be wifhim/her for the rest of ur life? letting nature take its course. :)

Happy new year and cheers to everyone! Have a wonderful 06 ahead of all of you :)
Outta here.

Memoirs

2005-12-16T16:16:00.000+08:00

ohhkay.haha. random feeling to post those up :) ha. guess there's really nothin that can turn time back. futile. i'll be going for siglap's pop later anyway.. so i cant go for tj concert to support viv and liming.. so so so sorry..

hmmm. benny left for brisbane last night and will be away for ten days. take care misterrr :) haha. kekang and me is fascinated by the toilet seat cover cleaners in airport toilets. haha. and the toilet paper is so soft. LOLL. okay. hahaha. hmm.i wonder how's everyone else doing during this band break.. must seize this opportunity to finish up on admin stuffs, prepare for twe's pop and of course start revisin & muggin fer the stupid reexams. well, serves me right for not studying hard enough throughout this year eh?

xmas around the corner n though im not a diehard celebrater/celebrator?.. hahaha.. yea.. i'm feelin the mood :) hahaa. its just the huge xmas trees and songs playin everywhere i go. whee. haha. okay.. feeling abit unbloggy today.

till next time.

Laughin my fat ass off.

2005-12-05T21:02:00.000+08:00

Okayyyyy.Super lame. But i just can't stop laughing. It's a horn thing.. Hahahahahhaha.

A girl went out on a date with a trumpet player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was it? Did his embouchure make him a great kisser?"
"Nah," the first girl replied. "That dry, tight, tiny little pucker; it was no fun at all."
The next night she went out with a tuba player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Ugh!" the first girl exclaimed. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!"
The next night she went out with a French horn player, and when she came back her roommate asked, "Well, how was his kissing?"
"Well," the first girl replied, "his kissing was just so-so; but I loved the way he held me!"

LOL.LOL.LOL.LOL.

the world is round

2005-11-25T09:30:00.000+08:00

remember that we all stumble, every one of us. that's why its a comfort to go hand in hand.

ohhkay. that made me feel much much better after yesterday's emo session alone at home. maybe i'm suffering from depression or sth. like those ads at the bustops.. haha. should seek help. wahaha. can you imagine me being psychotic? like that psychopath you-know-who.. well. haha. its quite imaginable.. lol. had a wonderful horn ensemble and brass quintet practice today. it wasn't that productive but it was loads of fun. (: i never felt so carefree and happy in such a long time.. just us friends joking and laughing and rolling around.. ROLLING on.. you know what.. oops. -winks at brass quintet- hahaha.

OH YES. this is very very important. i can't find my file! the one with lots of nice scores that james helped me photostat and all.. the first score inside is fate of e gods. so yea, if anyone sees it.. PLEASE return it to me.. i miss my file. sigh. to think it just got misplaced and disappeared out of thin air just liked that. is air that thin? haha. fat air. woo. i can just eat ribena pastilles all day long and not get sick of it. haha wth. so random.

i'm just entertaining myself.. so ignore me. haha. (:

my lips are pretty sore from today's playing. hope it feels good and ready for tomorrow's performance. oh. and i never knew it was so hard to find a plain, nice black blouse. seriously. we walked and walked and searched high and low.. very very high and very very low. and of all places. i suddenly spotted one at ice lemon tee whitesands. like wth? ice lemon tee selling formal blouses? okayy. thats sth new. haha. weiyang asked for sectionals tmr. you know how happy i was to hear him asking me that? its been ages since someone did that. its usually me who has to organise sectionals and ask everyone to come down. i guess things are changing (:

for the better.

Smiles and those twinkles in my eyes

2005-11-24T11:55:00.000+08:00

Wonder whats up with my angsty posts nowadays. Wahahaha. :) Sorry la. Must be the major pms taking over me recently. So yes.. If i do scream, yell and throw tantrums.. That's not me. Hahaha. It's my alter ego.. Farah's a nice person you see. She smiles and she laughs with you. REALLY. Hehehe. Right. Left.

Good news. Band's been improving for the past few practices know.. Feeling pretty good about this. Haha. I'm like currently designing twe's page for Mr Glosz's website. He's high-tech okay. Davidglosz.com. :) Style.. Haha. Plus it greets you with a HUGE moving "Remember to practice for your upcoming performances!" Yes. Remember k. Hehe.

Feeling kinda worn out.. Been going to school almost everyday for these past three weeks. Almost to a month i guess. Time's flying and zooooooming past so fast! And the worse part is it took me this long to realise that. Oh well. I'm just being me i guess. Okay. I'm in un-blog mode now.. GR selections making me emo. Yes. Thinking about you guys. How i feel like im left out and talked about.. And how awkward it is to even sit together at the same table. I'm sorry things are the way it is now. If you do notice.. I don't take to heart how I'm treated. Ignorance is bliss. I still comfort you when you were crying at the staircase, I wanted to console you when he nearly dumped you, I still care about your section, apologize to you for being a bad friend..
I still love yous for the good times we've had.

I miss shaun and hidayah. I miss the afterband gang. I miss outofbounds.. SO much. The times we sneaked into the den during you-know-when.. The farting during the risk, danger and excitement. HAHA.. The times the ten-pin crew went bowling and had so much fun. 201 for being the bestest class I've ever been in.. Vivan, Liming and Malorie for being the greatest seniors one could ask for. Zat. My family when we were really actually one.

I hate my life now. Well most of it. But its okay. I'm just living in my own ugly world where i still believe there's pretty butterflies and vast seas..

I still hold on because I know there's so much more beauty to life that has yet to unfold for my future :) Yup.

It must be the freckles.

2005-11-16T10:35:00.000+08:00

Writer's block for the past couple of weeks but finally, i've got the sudden urge to blog. Close ears, shut windows and prepare for my pms ranting and frustrations.

SO.

What's with people not realizing how severe things can get despite the many signs, concern and just about everything that signals for bad the situation is? Do you guys need a slap to reality before it dons on you that nothing comes easy unless you work hard for it?

It's so sad to see how it all ends up this way. But its not too late. I believe. I have faith that potential is prevalent. Like i said, you guys can do it.. It simply comes to the point whether or not you want to or not. To go that extra mile, to be commited and be passionate about what you do. I seriously feel so disheartened whenever I see HI-I-AM-FORCED-TO-BE-HERE cloaking everyone's faces. No. That's so not right.

I hate this attitude.

Really. I LOATHE this attitude. If you don't feel or show the slightest hint of interest and dedication, what's the fucking purpose of coming every practice? No, i'm not angry. I'm really not. I'm just pitying you guys for wasting your time and the senior's efforts. Not to say the seniors are the cream of the crop.. They too need a jolt back to reality.. Seniors being complacent and ineffective. Sigh. Everyone.. EVERYONE has the talent and spirit deep down inside.. but I don't see it anymore.

I want to be part of a family that has fun and enjoys great music making. A bunch of musicians fiery and roaring with enthusiasm. Laughter, seriousness, all into one. Yes. That's my ideal wish.
I can't fight to keep it alive all the time because it's draining me to see all these complications, problems and attitude. Its just like my efforts are being robbed and my feelings so cheated.

Its so unfair for interest to be hindered by the people who can't be bothered. The black sheeps.

I'm giving all I am. Will you do it too?

And so..

2005-11-06T05:30:00.000+08:00

In a nutshell,

My life is a time bomb.

Why?

2005-11-05T12:32:00.000+08:00

Why do i keep on asking why?

I wonder why people just can't mind their own business sometimes.
I am so pissed. So tired. Why can't we be fucking be left alone?
It's not easy, to be in fear to be in worry.. to be scared.

I just want a life. I want freedom.

Rumours are big bitches. Leave us alone. Please.

So not o-fuckin-kay.

2005-10-31T10:40:00.000+08:00

I think it's screaming, yelling and shrieking for help.. Suffocating beneath everything. Suffering with the extremely revolting insides.. Rejected by its very own.. Lines, wounds, everywhere..

No. It's not a dying body decaying piece by piece off somewhere in the woods. Its my report book. The one that Ms Shortie REFUSES to return to me. The one that has my fugly grades and the horrors of my results. Well, its just a matter of time before the shortie meets the policewoman, the queen of the house- My Mum. Haha. Right. Till then, tick tock..

Currently having these random thoughts about how two people have to put up a show of pretence, because no one would ever accept or believe what they are. Its really sad that they have to go through hurdle after hurdle, obstacles and tribulation. Pathetic, really.

Oh well.

Gonna be like this girl one day :) Wheeee.

I beg for just one more tomorrow

2005-10-23T11:05:00.000+08:00

No. This is not a scene from flightplan. In actual fact, it depicts my long cliche entry about Love. In one way of another, love really sets my mind in knots for long hours, making me fall into deep thoughts. That tingling sensation whenever I think about the person I'm drawn to, or the butterflies in my stomach everytime I think of the flowers he gave me.

But then again. Is this love? Is this really the emotion that sets my senses driving? Possibly. But then again, it's probably the foolish, naive me, overwhelmed with infatuation and misunderstanding the true meaning of love.

Love makes your heart beat faster. Like simply makes you happy. Love makes you blush. Like makes you smile. Infront of the one you love, you can't say everything on your mind. Infront of the one you like, you can. When the one you love cries, you cry with him. When the one you like cries, you end up comforting. The feeling of love starts with the eye. The feeling of like begins with the ear.

Love, or like?

Either way. It makes me happy. But for how long, I never know.

How You Are In Love

You take a while to fall in love with someone. Trust takes time.
You give and take equally in relationships.
You need your space and privacy. You don't like to be smothered.
You're secretly hoping your partner will change for you.
You stay in love for a long time, even if you aren't loved back. When you fall, you fall hard.

That's enough. Such posts make me reflect alot and, I'm not exactly in the mood. Yes, I've been missing from the net for around one month and the only thing that's keeping me sane is my tv and my french horn. I've been rather alright. Coping with my horrid results, and insightful blog entries I've read.

I learnt something these few days; that no matter how much self-denial I'm in, that studying a week before the exams is good in a way because everything will be fresh in my head bladeblah, it has finally donned on me that nope, it's not enough. I failed both maths and sciences. The only thing I can console myself with is my humanities and languages grades that are pretty good.

Other than that, I've taken a huge step. Leaving him, and moving on.

Sometimes, I think through the decision i made, and regret. But isn't life all about making mistakes, trying, falling, and standing up and going forward? I guess it's all part and parcel of learning to deal with relationships. Made me a stronger person too.

I guess that's about all. Till another meaningful post.

I walk alone.

2005-09-10T11:10:00.000+08:00

i've been feeling reluctant to blog lately.

no particular reason. just been losing the touch i guess. and i haven't been allowed on the net for ages.

and.. i don't know how to face you or to make you feel better. actually, i don't even know how you feel because you don't tell anybody.

why?

2005-09-06T14:56:00.000+08:00

YOOO. And so I'm back from outer space! Haha. What the hell. Anyway, haven't been online for donkey years :) Hehe. Parents have been pmsing. Now at Benny's house which like so totally has a mahjong table! muahahahahaha. SO exciting :) Anyway, that temporary line that I've got? it's GONEEE. So ya, anything just call my friends or my house phone. Hahah. lala. I'm gonna get that M1 prepaid card man. Can't survive without my phone.. AHHHHHHHH.

Farah died.

Haha. Band bbq today! (: I love my pants.

It's brown. Heh. BYE. G2g, hehehe. Farah rocks., Hahahah.
OH and corne's blue hot ipod too!!!!!!!!!!!!! Haha.

2005-08-26T12:15:00.000+08:00

The challenges you face in life only makes you a stronger person.

2005-08-25T10:45:00.000+08:00

eeeeeeesh. i hate homework. really. i do. i LOATHE homework. actually it's more of homework time that really gets on my nerves. i have no idea why the school decides that we should waste our time this way. i can really get more work done at home rather than a in-your-face green, noisy and scorching hot classroom which i've already had enough being cooped up all day. this is so unfair while other schools are released at 1.40pm. get my drift? for my own good and what shit, i don't really care. life's unfair.

duh. haha. sang alot today. especially with jiaxin. chording really makes me happy (: makes US happy. heh. hearing how the different notes match is great.

we're high.

on chords.

wendy tan pronounces surface area as shurface area. that really bugs me. oh. how random.

2005-08-23T13:00:00.000+08:00

It's a day to remember. A day I will never forget. That day, 20th August 2005 :)

After my extremely angsty post previously, here's a lighter entry to update the world about my special birthday I've shared with everyone last saturday :) So it started out at night, with my stomach in knots and the constant wakening every few hours. FINALLY, it was time to get up.

And as usual, me being me, was late. Hehe.

Anyway, WE, shaun hidz and myself, arrived at Tamp's mac at like seven am on the DOT :) The aircon wasn't even cold yet! Haha. I love breakfast with friends :) Lalala. And the two cute friends of mine happily, proudly presented my FIRST gift of the day! Gobstopper! Just that this time it had a big, fat PANG stuck on top of the Gob. LOL(: I really couldn't take it man. It's super cute la. Cute people have cute friends. COUGHS. Hahaha ahem. Ya, so we waited for Ruiqi and the rest who were late.. Like me.. But more late :) Woo. I love late people. Makes me feel better though i'm always late. Okay, that's besides the point.

Then, we left for school after my dad dropped by to pass me the cam batt charger. Arrived and received much birthday wishes and gifts :) And benny gave me a tamagotchi which is called MUMU, glamly named by Zat. And it's currently overweight, spoilt and sleeps like longer hours then me. Haha. SO ya. Enough sidetracking. Heh. And yup, later, we left for NAFA. Everything was prompt and we were on schedule. All ran smoothly. UNTIL. We realised the percs left their sticks in school. Guess there're always cockups no matter what. Luckily they rushed back in time and yup, everything was fine.

The final performance was much better than ALL the rehearsals I've ever heard. I'm so proud of e junior band :) It's their first major performance without any seniors and they pulled it off great! The whole skit thing was a success too. Hidayah and Zameer were wonderful. :) I'm glad my idea came out right. Go TWE! Also, I really appreciate the stall people working hard, especially Zoe who always does her best. Thanks guys :) Oh, and we had our lunch together which was so fun.. Especially the journey to Banquet. Haha. :) I totally love count offs and shouting at the band my usual 5 4 3 2 1! Haha.. seeing their faces and cute people running around panicking to get into lines is totally fascinating :) Haha. Awesome.

Received much presents, gifts, flowers and all today :) And yeah. The ULTIMATE suprise in the dressing room was soooo sweet. Zat led me down the stairs. We reached the room. He told me to open the door. I reached out, pushed the handle and there in a pitch dark room, lay a lit cake with flickering candles on the table.. My heart just fell you know. Haha. Like totally in a good way la. Yep.. while i was still in shock walking towards the cake, BOOM! Like so many people scrambled out of this glass door and shouted. HAHA. I was like totally stunned. And yeah.. Birthday song, blew candles, wished but i didn't cut the cake cos i really don't know how to cut cakes. oops. Haha. Thanks ALOT to all those who were involved :) I'm SOO touched. And yes they were, Zat, Weijie, BIG Samuel, Shaun, Junwen, Benny, Hidayah and Ruiqi :) Aww.

Haha. I feel SO loved. Lala. Love. Love my friends. All of them!

Yep, e concert ended off with a smashin performance by Sajc, and I managed to take a picture with shawn and yeah, we left for school :) Awesome. At night, we were being mental at the bus stop singing out of tune purposely yada yada. Haha. And THEN.

THEN THEN. We had the EMO talk at KFC. This Zat ah, yes YOU. Hahaha. Always start conversations that really set me thinking deeply. His words really make an impact you know. Deep thoughts. It's quite scary cos it landed me in tears later at night. Hooohaa. But thanks, at least i feel better now. To Ruiqi, we're like THE ones. hahahaha. Oh well :) *Binny*

Yeah. I'm gonna end off this post with my thanks to all those who really really made my day :)

To the entire junior band, thank you for the sweet card you all signed for me :)
To Julie and Shangeetha, thank you for the sweet bouquet of flowers and card,
To Hidayah, Nazurah, Nani, Izzati, Adam, Russell, Michelle, CORNE, Guohao, Zachary, Ruiqi, Shaun, Kekang, Eden and Joash, thank you for the beauutttiful slippers, notebooks, huge card and stylooo clock! WOOO.
To ZAT the BEST, Haha. Thanks for the roses, the card, the suprises and the always good talks.
To Benny, thank you for MUMU :) Wahahaha.
To Cheryl, thanks for the cushion and card!
To Shermaine and Grace, thank you for the extremely neon wrist band! Haha!
To Russell ONG, thanks for the cuteee card!
To my lovable section, thanks for the piggy band and cute horn figure.
To the SAS people, thanks alot of the winnie e pooh and LOTS of gobstopper!
To Malorie, thank you for the pretty yellow bright flower!
To Jicheng, Gary, Wilfred, Zameer and Jolyn, thanks for Billabong waterbottle.
To Meroy, thanks for the ferreror rocher,
To Weijie, BIG Samuel, Shaun and Jun Wen, thanks for the keychain which is happily hanging from my phone noww :)
To JIAXIN, my best binny, thanks for the Gobstopper,
To Nelson, Anavil and Chee Yang, thanks for the delicious strawberry strudel! MMMM.

And to EVERYONE who wished me and sms-ed me! WOO. I really really really thank everyone. Hehehe :) If i missed out anyone, i'm soo sorry.

More pictures here, http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2122025517 and Sentosa are here : http://www.imagestation.com/album/index.html?id=2122029717

Don't just tell me you love me. Show me that you love me. But as as many imperfections that exist, they make us whole. I still love you :) Here's one from Elton John.

It's a little bit funny this feeling inside
I'm not one of those who can easily hide
I don't have much money but boy if I did
I'd buy a big house where we both could live

If I was a sculptor, but then again, no
Or a man who makes potions in a travelling show
I know it's not much but it's the best I can do
My gift is my song and this one's for you

And you can tell everybody this is your song
It may be quite simple but now that it's done
I hope you don't mind
I hope you don't mind that I put down in words
How wonderful life is while you're in the world

I sat on the roof and kicked off the moss
Well a few of the verses well they've got me quite cross
But the sun's been quite kind while I wrote this song
It's for people like you that keep it turned on
So excuse me forgetting but these things I do
You see I've forgotten if they're green or they're blue
Anyway the thing is what I really mean
Yours are the sweetest eyes I've ever seen.

<33. It's YOUR song. :)

Yes, I'm an action queen. Hehehhee. Right corne? Wink wink :) Life rocks. I'm overdosed.

2005-08-17T01:10:00.000+08:00

waiting endlessly for the doctor with a stuffy nose and sore throat is definitely not my idea of a good way to start the day.

but well. haven been eating enough apples i guess. i've been sleeping all day and i'm still tired.

i think you're plastic. don't give me this shit about not talking to me after so long when you were the one who didn't contact me. maybe it's my fault for giving you the wrong idea donkey ages ago. but i told you clearly in the end how i felt. you're not a bad person. you're a good friend. we were all good friends. and you keep claiming we've known each other for so long and all. but you're the one not bothering to talk to me. only when you feel like it, i receive the sms-es saying how are you and stuff.

stop being naive. its not a matter of saying sorry and asking me to forgive you. i have my fair share of faults too. but there's no one in the wrong here. i guess that's how friendship is.

people come, people go.

and you my friend, was a good one. but it's now a waste.

don't blame me for being cold and different. i'm a bitch.

2005-08-13T12:20:00.000+08:00

The world has never been this real to me.

And complicated too. I never thought I would ever in a million years be in such a fix. Long story. Anyway, Eden's a good person to confide in. For once, I've met a person who can give me good advice and listen to me bitch and whine from tanah merah to pasir ris and back to bedok, and on the platform. And tanah merah to pasir ris to old chang kee to 21 and all the way home.

But it's good to know that there are such people around to listen to me. Afterall, I realise who my true friends really are after just reflecting and looking back.. at everything.

There, one new great friend I've never expected to make.

Benny's another guy that i can just gossip and laugh and talk all day with. Zat? J? Same gang la. Haha. It's quite amusing how I'm suddenly hanging out with all these people. Where has all the old cliques gone? I don't know, really.

Maybe I don't exactly belong anywhere either. Hidayah Wonka, you're not alone. :)
Heh. Maybe that's why we're best friends.

Okay anyway. I felt SO lost without the Sec 3's today. Luckily corne and zat was there. Or else.. I'll just die and rot. I mean i can get along with the juniors and all, but it's just different. If you don't really know, I'm not exactly independant.. Which is bad. Haha..

Esther's a good person to sit behind during English. I can just go on sleeping and sleeping and Ms Morni NEVER finds out :) Hiangling.. I saw you slping today too. Heheh.

Oh, by the way. I'm friggin fuckin pissed.

Total evaluation of books being stolen from locker would be, physics textbook, geog textbook, social studies revision guide, history textbook and amaths textbook.

Not much.. not much at all.

2005-08-11T04:50:00.000+08:00

The best prize is a suprise.

Three cheers for my section! Caught Charlie and the Chocolate factory with them yesterday and had lots of fun gossiping and laughing and whatnots. Yes, it's gonna happen right here, right now. My love declaration for the chocolate factory!

Goodness. The chocolate fountain, the edible grass, the glass elevator, wonka bars, the golden ticket, AHH. I WANT A CHOCOLATE FACTORY TOO!

Farah and the chocolate factory :)

Willy wonka has super,perfect white straight teeth. Which is so contradicting with all the chocolate he makes. Willy wonka willy wonka! No weiyang, it's NOT willy wanker, and he's not gay. I'm having a fetish for his cute hat :)

Awesome awesome. Crashed the clarinet section outing on national day eve cos this sad, sorry soul had no where to go. HOW PATHETIC CAN I GET!? But it was fun. Hehe. Home is definitely not an option nowadays. Especially when i'm deprived of the internet modem and my phone. DID YOU KNOW?! My line got cut. Yes.. so sad.. And benny, stop laughing. It's so not funny. I WANT MY LINE BACK.

Sad. Can't even receive msgs or calls. I'm a sad person. Sad life.

Haha. But i love chocolates :) Okay. Random.

Fireworks at tampines sent me screaming in excitement when it started thundering all of a sudden.Hehe :) And by the way. SINGAPOREANS ARE IDIOTS. Except me la. Haha. Self-denial.

Well, basically, the entire field was crammed with thousands of people. But the moment the fireworks was over, everyone flooded out and left the place even when the parade hasn't even ended. Sheesh. And suddenly when there was an unexpected second round of fireworks, everyone came rushing back.

Nuts.

Nuts! Hehe. Reminds me of chocolate. Besides, did you know that chocolate releases endorphins in ourbody and gives us the feeling of being in love?

Random thoughts :)

I'm in love.

2005-07-31T10:25:00.000+08:00

i thought that all was lost. i was already on the verge of breaking down, just tired and having major lack of sleep from always worrying about the band, carrying out my duties, and well, just about everything. suddenly, benny read to me samuel's resignation letter. he quit. he didn't want to be the french horn section leader anymore. he said he didn't have passion for the band after syf.

my heart fell.

now being the only striving horn player in my batch left, suddenly all the responsibility of leading the section, and taking my juniors in hand thrown straight into my face, i knew it wasn't going to be easy. it's not. i talked to them the other day. i told them to wake up and to start fulfilling their duties as a band member. being responsible and doing simple things like listening to band recordings. i was pissed because we're not playing up to standard when we were once the best section, and the irony of it all is that i don't see them coming back for self practice enough. i was so angry but i cooped everything up inside.

but, things changed after that day. i feel so, so touched to see ivy coming back for self practice on thursday. i feel that indescribable sense of satisfaction, that my words actually made an impact. they do listen. joel has been playing well and always taking the initiative to find new scores and horn cds. and just when i thought weiyang was being lazy not self practicing even though he has alot of potential, and not to mention, always not carrying his horn and i have to nag and demand him to do it, made a promise to me today.

he apologized and promised to work harder.

my juniors are the sweetest bunch one could ask for. everyone was on time today. they're improving. i change my mind now, benny. i come back for band, because of my passion for my horn, and my horn section. for the rest of the band, i guess time will tell. after the overdue emotional speech on friday, i guess i will just have to see how long it will take before the temasek wind ensemble spirit comes to life again.